Mind Your Own Business!

“To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you. If you know that you are only responsible for half of the relationship, you can easily control your half. It is not up to us to control the other half, if we respect, we know that our partner, or friend, or son, or mother, is completely responsible for his or her own half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship. There is no war.” ~ The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Take 100% responsibility for your own life. You cannot control anyone else, only yourself. Master your own thoughts and your own actions. When you can do this, you will eliminate the stress of worrying about someone else’s behavior. Remember, everyone has their own Higher Power and it’s not you!

Author and speaker Byron Katie says there are three kinds of business: mine, yours and God’s. Much of our stress comes from not tending to our own business. We have enough to do by keeping to our own business.

Create peace and mind your own business!

Be Gentle and Honor Yourself

How many times did you take something personally today? How many times did you hear something and you attached your name to it?

Why do you want to feel miserable? 

Why take on other people's stuff? 

What would you life look like if you let other people's stuff alone and took care of your own stuff?  

No matter what you do, there will always be other people! 

And, as long as there are other people, there will always be other people's baggage. 

So, instead of trying to find a matching set...

...forgive yourself, let it go, and move on. 

Stop taking things personally. 

Nothing is about you… except you.

Enough said.

Create Your Own Story

“Before I was born in this physical body, a whole society of storytellers was already here. The story was ongoing, and from their story I learned how to create my own. The storytellers whoa re here before us teach us how to be human.

First they tell us what we are – a boy or a girl – then they tell us who we are, and who we should or shouldn’t be. They teach us how to be a proper woman, a decent woman, a strong man, a brave man.

They give us a name, an identity, and they tell us the role that we are playing in their story. They prepare us to live in a human jungle, to compete with one another, to control one another, to impose our will, to fight against our own kind.

Of course I believed what the storytellers told me. Why would I not believe them? They filled me with knowledge, and I used that knowledge to copy their style and create my art in a similar way.”

~ From The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz

*****
We are all storytellers. The trick is to discern which story to live out.

Do we live out of our own stories – they lies, the judgments, and the beliefs we have accumulated throughout the years?

Do we live out of the stories of our families, tribes, cultures and clans – with its own set of beliefs that we have bought in to?

Or, do we choose to create a new story for ourselves – story that begins with the premise that we are unique, unrepeatable, wonderfully-made divine beings?

Comedian Joe E. Louis once said we only live one life, but if we work it right, one is enough.

The poet Mary Oliver called it our one, wild, precious life.

How will you choose to create your one, wild, precious, unrepeatable and unique life?

It's your choice... so choose wisely!

Always Do Your Best

"Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life....

A good example of this comes from the story of Forrest Gump. He didn't have great ideas, but he took action. He was happy because he always did his best at whatever he did. He was richly rewarded without expecting any reward at all. Taking action is being alive."

From The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

Whatever action you take, just do your best,

It's Not About YOU!

The second of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

"Don't Take Anything Personally"

I was on the NYC subway one night, forced to listen to one side of a cell phone conversation. The subway was elevated outside, so perfect opportunity to use some of those free minutes! Yikes!

Anyway, the sister was hollering at another sister about being offended that this dude thought she was 28 years old!

"How dare he! Do I look like I'm that old?" she shrieked.

I would love it if someone would offend me like that ~ but I digress!

My first thought was why was she taking the offense. And this is the topic of this post, which ties in with the second agreement ~ not to take anything personally.

If I handed you a bottle of poison, and you took it and not only took it, but drank it. Who dies, me or you? No, this is not a trick question.

I handed it to you. You could have refused to take it. Not only did you take it, you ingested it, meaning you made it about you. That was your choice.

You also have the choice to say, "No thank you!" Ever heard of those words? Well, use them and relieve yourself of the drama. 

Just for today, don't take the offense and stop taking things personally!

Stop Taking Everything Personally!

Of don Miguel Ruiz’ Four Agreements, Don’t Take Anything Personally is, I believe, the most difficult to follow. 

As don Miguel explains, we tend to think everything is about us, when in fact, it is not. We must learn to let go of our own belief that we must react to everything that is directed at us. We have not been called to police the universe. Everything is not about me. It is a hard enough job taking care of my own business; I don’t need to delve into everyone else’s business as well. We all have our own stories, and we all operate out of our own stories and realities. Yet, my story is just that: my story. It is no one else’s. This holds true for all of us. When someone says something to us, whether positive or negative, it is from their own reality, their own story; and has nothing to do with me. 

This particular agreement has been absolutely life changing for me personally. When I finally wrapped my brain around the fact that whatever was said to me or about me, had nothing to do with me, I was liberated. I have also learned to no longer “take offense” from other people. When someone offends me, I can choose not to take the offense, and let it go; because again, it is not about me. 

And if you are constantly offended by other people, think about how many times you offend other people. I can hear you saying that you don’t mean to offend anybody. Well, does anyone mean to offend? If you are in a relationship with someone, platonic or intimate, who constantly offends, then it is time to rethink the relationship. Someone you are not in relationship with, and has no vested interest in, should not cause you distress. If it does, then ask yourself why? What button has it pushed and why do you have the button in the first place? 

Also, think about your part in any distressing situation and ask yourself, “What is my part in this situation? 

Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, and stop taking things personally ~ it is not about you!

The Power of Your Word

Miguel Ruiz says:

Be Impeccable With Your Word...

Speak with integrity.

Say only what you mean.

Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.

Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 

And, I might add -- speak only the language of positivity; avoid using negative words. 

Whose Party Are You Attending?

“Truth or fiction, you don’t have to believe anyone’s story. You don’t have to form an opinion about what someone says. You don’t have to agree or disagree. Just listen. The more impeccable a person is with the word, the clearer the message will be, but the words that come from another artist have nothing to do with you. You know it’s nothing personal. You listen and you understand all the words, but the words no longer affect you. You no longer judge what other people say because you understand what they are doing. They are only letting you know what is going on in their virtual world.” ~ From The Fifth Agreement 

Remember, you don't have to attend every party you are invited to ~ especially if it is about them.

Your New Self

“Even though you are different, people assume you are the same; they hardly notice the change unless you express yourself. But at a certain point, you no longer play their game. You don’t take on their addictions, and you don’t join in their gossiping. You no longer care so much about their drama, about their anger, their jealousy, because you know they are dreaming. And you know they don’t mean it when they tell you something unkind.” ~ don Miguel Ruiz

George Bernard Shaw once quipped that “the only man who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew every time he sees me, while all the rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.”

This is profound wisdom! When you grow and change, most of the people around you won’t notice the change and will go on treating you as they always had. If at all possible, when you begin your transformation, you may need to also change your associations. As Jim Rohn said, you are the average of your five closest friends. If you have left behind negativity, gossip, anger, and slander, but your friends still live in that space, then guess what? You will revert back to that way of being.

I believe this is why the recidivism rate is so high. When a person is released from prison, instead of going to new surroundings to begin a new life, they go back to the life that encouraged the behaviors that incarcerated them in the first place.

When you make a transformational change, you must do it all the way. The Master Teacher once said that no prophet is honored in his native town. This is because everyone knew them before and will not accept the transformation.

Check out the movie, Now Voyager, starring Bette Davis and Claude Rains. One of my all time favorites. Charlotte (Davis) goes through a radical transformation – physically and emotionally. The most brilliant move on Dr. Jackwith’s (Rains) part is not to allow her to return home right away; but go on a cruise to feel into her new self.

So, just for today, if you are shifting into a new way of being, go on a cruise and feel into your new self!

The Fifth Agreement

Your Power to Choose

“You have the power to create. Your power is so strong that whatever you believe comes true. You create yourself, whatever you believe you are. You are the way you are because that is what you believe about yourself. Your whole reality, everything you believe, is your creation. You have the same power as any other human in the world. The main difference between you and someone else is how you apply your power, what you create with your power. You may be similar to others in many ways, but no one in the whole world lives her life the way you do.”

~ From The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz

You have the power to create. Your power is called choice. You have the power to choose whatever you want. Not choosing is also a choice. But remember, whatever you choose, whatever you create for your life, choose the path of love. The path of love will take you much farther than the path of fear and doubt.

You have the power. It’s your choice. Choose wisely.

Self-Love Begins With Self-Respect

“Imagine how you would speak to someone whom you love and respect immensely. If you have a pet dog or cat that you love and adore, how do you speak to your animal friend? Now consider how you speak to yourself. What do you say to yourself every day when you look in the mirror, when you are bathing or dressing or going about your day? If you speak to yourself in a critical, judgmental way, it’s because you have learned to do this from others. You agreed to treat yourself this way, then you practiced this habit until you mastered it.

“Now that you are aware of the agreement, you can choose to break it by saying: ‘I no longer agree to treat myself with disrespect. Every time a self-critical thought comes to mind, I will forgive the Judge and follow this comment with words of praise, self-acceptance, and love.’

“Make a list of at least four things you say to yourself about yourself every day, then review your list and decide whether these words are kind, respectful, and loving. Treat yourself as you would treat a queen or king, an innocent child, or your favorite pet. Choose to be impeccable with your word. Self-love begins with self-respect.”

~ The Four Agreements Companion Book by don Miguel Ruiz

The Power of the Word

“A person knowing the power of the word, becomes very careful of his conversation. He has only to watch the reaction of his words to know that they do ‘not return void’. Through his spoken word, man is continually making laws for himself.” ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

Don Miguel Ruiz’ first agreement is “Be Impeccable With the Word”.

I find it amazing how many people speak just to hear the sound of their own voices, or to fill the void of the silence.

Our words are one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal, yet we do not realize what an incredibly powerful tool it is.

Imagine you were given a ration of one thousand words each day.

What would you say?

Who would you say it to?

Something to think about.

So, just for today, be impeccable with your words speak only if it improves the silence!

Listen to the Words... Just Listen

“Truth or fiction, you don’t have to believe anyone’s story. You don’t have to form an opinion about what someone says. You don’t have to agree or disagree. Just listen. The more impeccable a person is with the word, the clearer the message will be, but the words that come from another artist have nothing to do with you. You know it’s nothing personal. You listen and you understand all the words, but the words no longer affect you. You no longer judge what other people say because you understand what they are doing. They are only letting you know what is going on in their virtual world." ~ From The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel and don Jose Ruiz

This passage from The Fifth Agreement encompasses three of the five agreements:

1. Be Impeccable With the Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Be Skeptical, But Always Listen

Enough said!

Learn to Listen

Listening is a skill and an art; unfortunately, a lost art. Most people are not taught how to listen properly. You do not merely listen with your ears, but with your whole body – especially your heart.

When I deeply and actively listen to someone, I am drained at the end because listening is something you do with your whole being. Listening is not waiting for your turn to speak or rehearsing your next rebuttal. Active listening involves being fully present for the other person.

Miguel Ruiz’ Fifth Agreement is Be Skeptical, But Learn To Listen. He says, don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind words, and you will understand the real message.

In order to understand the real message, you must really listen. You must listen until it drains you.

“Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person.” ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Share Your Cookies!

Last week, I did a Blog Talk Radio show on the poem, The Cookie Thief by Valerie Cox. It is a powerful poem that speaks to making assumptions and jumping to false conclusions. Don Miguel Ruiz' third agreement is don't make assumptions. Actor Henry Winkler said assumptions are the termites of relationships. So very true. Making assumptions eat away at you and those closest to you.

The show, Mind Your Own Story, has a poem, a story, a quote each show with a message about changing your story to create the life you want to live. This video is about sharing your cookies...instead of assuming someone else is eating yours. Enjoy!

It All Begins With You

“Imagine living without fear, without judgment, without blame, without guilt, without shame. Imagine living your life without trying to please other people’s points of view, and not even your own point of view according to your own book of law. Imagine how different your life would be in you lived with gratitude, love, loyalty, and justice, beginning with yourself.” ~ don Miguel and don Jose Ruiz

Can you imagine?

What would your life look like without fear, without judgment, without blame, shame or guilt?

You have the power within you to create this kind of life. A life lived with gratitude, love, loyalty and justice.

Wouldn’t you love to live that kind of life?

So, what’s stopping you?

It all begins with you.

The Mask of Fear

“Love is always kind. Fear is always unkind. With fear we are full of obligations, full of expectations, with no respect, avoiding responsibility, and feeling sorry. How can we feel good when we are suffering from so much fear? We feel victimized by everything; we feel angry or sad or jealous or betrayed.

“Anger is nothing but fear with a mask. Sadness is fear with a mask. Jealousy is fear with a mask. With all those emotions that come from fear and create suffering, we can only pretend to be kind. We are not kind because we don’t feel good, we are not happy.”

~ From The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz

My favorite book tells us that love is patient and kind. Because fear is the opposite of love, then fear has to be unkind and impatient. When we are not operating in love, we must be operating in fear. This is the hypnotic trance we are in most of the time. This is what leads to all the suffering.

Just for today, take off your mask of fear and reveal your true self.

Ask Questions Instead of Making Assumptions

The third of Miguel Ruiz’ Four Agreements is don’t make assumptions.

You know, once upon a time the only exercise I ever got was jumping to conclusions!

Instead of jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about certain situations, try asking a few questions. In the long run, it can save you lots of embarrassment and heartache. And, you can get your exercise the right way!

Just for today, ask questions and don’t make assumptions.

Are You Doing Your Best?

One of the things I heard Oprah say over and over in her final show was that she did her best. And she did. She never missed a show and she did her best.

Are you doing your best?

Or, are you giving the minimal? Barely squeaking by? A little dab’ll do ya?

Miguel Ruiz’ fourth agreement says to always do your best. 

At the end of the day, no matter what has happened, at least you can say, like Oprah, “I did my best!”