Be Gentle and Honor Yourself

How many times did you take something personally today? How many times did you hear something and you attached your name to it?

Why do you want to feel miserable? 

Why take on other people's stuff? 

What would you life look like if you let other people's stuff alone and took care of your own stuff?  

No matter what you do, there will always be other people! 

And, as long as there are other people, there will always be other people's baggage. 

So, instead of trying to find a matching set...

...forgive yourself, let it go, and move on. 

Stop taking things personally. 

Nothing is about you… except you.

Enough said.

It's Not About YOU!

The second of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

"Don't Take Anything Personally"

I was on the NYC subway one night, forced to listen to one side of a cell phone conversation. The subway was elevated outside, so perfect opportunity to use some of those free minutes! Yikes!

Anyway, the sister was hollering at another sister about being offended that this dude thought she was 28 years old!

"How dare he! Do I look like I'm that old?" she shrieked.

I would love it if someone would offend me like that ~ but I digress!

My first thought was why was she taking the offense. And this is the topic of this post, which ties in with the second agreement ~ not to take anything personally.

If I handed you a bottle of poison, and you took it and not only took it, but drank it. Who dies, me or you? No, this is not a trick question.

I handed it to you. You could have refused to take it. Not only did you take it, you ingested it, meaning you made it about you. That was your choice.

You also have the choice to say, "No thank you!" Ever heard of those words? Well, use them and relieve yourself of the drama. 

Just for today, don't take the offense and stop taking things personally!

Stop Taking Everything Personally!

Of don Miguel Ruiz’ Four Agreements, Don’t Take Anything Personally is, I believe, the most difficult to follow. 

As don Miguel explains, we tend to think everything is about us, when in fact, it is not. We must learn to let go of our own belief that we must react to everything that is directed at us. We have not been called to police the universe. Everything is not about me. It is a hard enough job taking care of my own business; I don’t need to delve into everyone else’s business as well. We all have our own stories, and we all operate out of our own stories and realities. Yet, my story is just that: my story. It is no one else’s. This holds true for all of us. When someone says something to us, whether positive or negative, it is from their own reality, their own story; and has nothing to do with me. 

This particular agreement has been absolutely life changing for me personally. When I finally wrapped my brain around the fact that whatever was said to me or about me, had nothing to do with me, I was liberated. I have also learned to no longer “take offense” from other people. When someone offends me, I can choose not to take the offense, and let it go; because again, it is not about me. 

And if you are constantly offended by other people, think about how many times you offend other people. I can hear you saying that you don’t mean to offend anybody. Well, does anyone mean to offend? If you are in a relationship with someone, platonic or intimate, who constantly offends, then it is time to rethink the relationship. Someone you are not in relationship with, and has no vested interest in, should not cause you distress. If it does, then ask yourself why? What button has it pushed and why do you have the button in the first place? 

Also, think about your part in any distressing situation and ask yourself, “What is my part in this situation? 

Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, and stop taking things personally ~ it is not about you!

10-10-10 Life Lessons from Don Miguel Ruiz

I am wrapping up my week of 10-10-10 Top Ten's. It has been a pleasure sharing my special top ten secrets to manifesting the life of my dreams.

“You need a very strong will in order to adopt these agreements, but if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the transformation in your life will be amazing. You will see the drama of hell disappear right before your very eyes.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Today’s Top Ten: 10 Life Lessons from Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Make and Keep Your Agreements – not just with others, but especially with yourself. Keeping your agreements builds integrity and character. When you break agreements with others, people tend not to trust you. When you break agreements with yourself, you stop trusting yourself – which leads to a life of fear and doubt.

2. Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

3. Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

4. Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

5. Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

6. Be Skeptical, But Learn To Listen. Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind words, and you will understand the real message.

7. Every Action Has a Reaction. Perhaps you cannot see the action or the choice you made, but you will always see the reaction, the result of what you do. Choose your actions wisely.

8. Direct Your Own Drama. Imagine yourself as the director of the drama that is your life. You have the power to direct all the actors and their actions in any way you choose.

9. Practice Detachment to Allow Change. Look at your physical body and just imagine how you used to look when you were five years old compared with now. It is still you, but the body is completely different. It has changed. Everything must go through its own transformation and change. Allow the process.

10. Remember and Repeat! You must continue to take consistent action and practice these agreements; the transformation doesn’t just happen until you work the process.

As an added bonus, I have selected some special e-books to help you in your journey to creating a life of passion, peace and prosperity. It is my special one-time 10-10-10 Blowout Sale! For this week only, any book is only $10. And if you purchase 3 or more books, you get an additional set of bonuses valued at over $150. So act fast! Only one more day left!

Here’s to your success!

Everything Is Not About You!

In a recent class I am teaching, we were discussing our emotions and in particular, anger. One of the students mentioned that it is so hard not to get angry when someone says or does something to offend us. I quickly mentioned Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements. Surprising, many of them had never heard of the book. Although, this should come as no surprise, considering how people show up in the world – totally offended, feeling betrayed, being hurt, getting slighted in some way.

Now, I am not negating that these can all be very hurtful experiences, but you cannot allow that to rule your life.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Remember, nothing anyone else does is about you; it is a reflection of their own drama. If you choose to make it about you, then on some level you are agreeing with their assumptions. And yes, that is a choice. We live in a very narcissistic society where we think everything is about us. Well, it’s not! The only things that are about us, are the things we sign up for. So, if we sign up for someone else’s drama and negative behavior, then it becomes our drama and negativity.

I choose to write my own story and leave the drama on the cutting room floor! When I want drama, I am creative enough to come up with some drama that will serve me – like getting knocked to the ground by Richard Armitage! Hell, I have gotten knocked to the ground before, it wasn’t fun and I was sore for days after. I did laugh about it after. But had that been Richard Armitage, well! I can come up with a least a dozen different scenarios about how that would have ended up! He he!

So, just for today, stop taking everything so personally – even if it has your name on it!
Coach Carolyn

Afraid to let go of the drama? It can be less scary to live the drama than to walk away from it. If this is your story, then the Transcending Fear Mentoring Program is for you! Join today!

M.Y.O.B!

There is an oft quoted book title by Terry Cole-Whittaker called, What You Think of Me Is None of My Business. This is in keeping with the second agreement of Don Miguel Ruiz' The Four Agreements, Don’t Take Anything Personally.

I remember my seventh grade Math teacher, Miss Lowe, telling one of the more nosy students, “Excuse me! M.Y.O.B.!” Everyone in the class laughed. I found it a profound statement then, as I do today, some thirty plus years later. Today it isn’t politically correct to tell someone to mind their own business, though we think it enough. Yet, when someone says something offensive to you, instead of having to tell them to mind their business, how about remembering it is just that ~ their business. What someone else thinks of you is none of your business.

The second agreement, Don’t Take Anything Personally can relieve you of lots of suffering because you can go through life not being offended by what other people say or think about you.

“Yes, but she hurt my feelings!” you counter.

And I counter back: No she didn’t. It is not her fault that something she says pushes one of your buttons. You have the button there to be pushed. Fix your buttons!

I once had a co-worker named Mara. I loved Mara. She was raw and straight to the point. She would say exactly what she thought, whether you asked or not. Then, guess what would happen? Yep, you guessed it. The person she directed her comment to would be offended. And I loved Mara’s comeback. You see, she would never come out and just apologize for her remark. She would say, “I am sorry that what I said hurt your feelings!” Mara understood that she could have said the exact same thing to another, and it would have absolutely no effect on them. But for some reason, it caused ranker in this person.

So, M.Y.O.B. Mind your own business and stop taking things so personally. You will find, life will get much sweeter!

Are you fixing those buttons?

Coach Carolyn

Why Take Offense?

The second of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

"Don't Take Anything Personally"

I was on the NYC subway one night, forced to listen to one side of a cell phone conversation. The subway was elevated outside, so perfect opportunity to use some of those free minutes! Yikes!

Anyway, the sister was hollering at another sister about being offended that this dude thought she was 28 years old!

"How dare he! Do I look like I'm that old?" she shrieked.

I would love it if someone would offend me like that ~ but I digress!

My first thought was why was she taking the offense. And this is the topic of this post, which ties in with the second agreement ~ not to take anything personally.

If I handed you a bottle of poison (no, not the cologne, please keep up!), and you took it and not only took it, but drank it. Who dies, me or you? No, this is not a trick question.

I handed it to you. You could have refused to take it. Not only did you take it, you ingested it, meaning you made it about you. That was your choice.

You also have the choice to say, "No thank you!" Ever heard of those words? Well, use them and relieve yourself of the drama. Then I won't have to listen to one-sided cell phone conversations on the New York City subway at 11 o'clock at night about being offended.

Just don't take the offense. Enough said.

Coach Carolyn