Choose Your Focus

“We focus on the negatives, losing ourselves in the problem. We point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.” ~ Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Nothing and I do mean nothing in this world has any inherent meaning until you assign it one. You look at your circumstances and judge them as negative or positive, good or bad. From that judgment, you experience the feelings associated with it. Then, as Dr. Kübler-Ross says, you rationalize your negative feelings. You create rational lies to explain why you are feeling sad or angry. This is the easy way out. It is a lot easier to become the victim, playing the blame game, than it is to take responsibility for your life.

First thing is to stop judging your circumstances. Those external events that happen in your life just are. You have the power to choose to see them as negative events or as positive events. But when you make the choice, your feelings will follow that choice. So, you can ask yourself, “Ho do I choose to feel about this situation?” I truly don’t believe anyone wants to feel bad, yet we do things to make ourselves feel bad. That too, is a choice. 

Choose to look up and smile when faced with doubt and uncertainty. It will change your outlook, your thoughts and your world.

Here Comes the Judge!

We have come to the end of out week long journey into those limiting behaviors that keep you stuck and not able to be the divine creative expression you were meant to be. First we looked at blaming – the victim’s playground. This is the behavior that leaves you powerless and being a victim of your circumstances. Then we took a brief look into complaining – a close cousin of blaming; and an easy and convenient way to not take full responsibility for your life.

Next, we took a lighter walk on the dark side of criticizing. If you want peace in your life, you must do the truth in love and avoid the trap of criticizing.

Our final limiting behavior this week is judging which is another cleverly cloaked behavior as there are those who make their living from judging others. Yes, there are times when we must judge in order to bring about justice – but we are called to judge the behavior and the actions of the other, not the person him or herself. Judgment is the considered evaluation of evidence in the formation of making a decision. But take it a step further… making a decision based on the actions of the individual.

“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” ~ Author Unknown (yes, it bears repeating!)

Our tendency is to label a person, thus judging them; then that label becomes their identity in the eyes of the one judging. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once noted when you label me, you negate me. How very wise! To label someone, to judge them based on things like gender, age, color of skin, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, is to negate and deny their true character. If there is anger, greed and dissention in one culture, then it is somewhere in all cultures. There are class wars, turf wars, religious wars – all based on judgment; which only escalates into fear and hatred.

If someone has behaved poorly or inappropriately, then the behavior must be judged and dealt with. Yes, the person pays the price for their poor choice; but not because he is of a certain class or religion.

Case in point: Little 6-year-old Suzy is told that she cannot have cookies so close to dinnertime. Little Suzy takes the cookies anyway. You could tell Suzy that because she made a poor choice and chose to disobey, she must be punished appropriately for her actions; or, you could tell her that she is a bad girl and she never listens. One way judges and reprimands her behavior; the other way judges her as a person and potentially disturbs her growing character.

So, just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

• Do I engage in any of these limiting behaviors?
• Do I blame someone or something outside of myself, thus giving away my power, leaving me a victim of circumstances?
• Do I constantly complain about something I have no control over just to have something to complain about?
• Do I judge another based on who they are or do I judge the actions?

If you answered YES to any or all, simply make the decision to remove these limiting behaviors today and watch how your life opens up to all sorts of unlimited possibilities.