Here Comes the Judge!

We have come to the end of out week long journey into those limiting behaviors that keep you stuck and not able to be the divine creative expression you were meant to be. First we looked at blaming – the victim’s playground. This is the behavior that leaves you powerless and being a victim of your circumstances. Then we took a brief look into complaining – a close cousin of blaming; and an easy and convenient way to not take full responsibility for your life.

Next, we took a lighter walk on the dark side of criticizing. If you want peace in your life, you must do the truth in love and avoid the trap of criticizing.

Our final limiting behavior this week is judging which is another cleverly cloaked behavior as there are those who make their living from judging others. Yes, there are times when we must judge in order to bring about justice – but we are called to judge the behavior and the actions of the other, not the person him or herself. Judgment is the considered evaluation of evidence in the formation of making a decision. But take it a step further… making a decision based on the actions of the individual.

“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” ~ Author Unknown (yes, it bears repeating!)

Our tendency is to label a person, thus judging them; then that label becomes their identity in the eyes of the one judging. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once noted when you label me, you negate me. How very wise! To label someone, to judge them based on things like gender, age, color of skin, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, is to negate and deny their true character. If there is anger, greed and dissention in one culture, then it is somewhere in all cultures. There are class wars, turf wars, religious wars – all based on judgment; which only escalates into fear and hatred.

If someone has behaved poorly or inappropriately, then the behavior must be judged and dealt with. Yes, the person pays the price for their poor choice; but not because he is of a certain class or religion.

Case in point: Little 6-year-old Suzy is told that she cannot have cookies so close to dinnertime. Little Suzy takes the cookies anyway. You could tell Suzy that because she made a poor choice and chose to disobey, she must be punished appropriately for her actions; or, you could tell her that she is a bad girl and she never listens. One way judges and reprimands her behavior; the other way judges her as a person and potentially disturbs her growing character.

So, just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

• Do I engage in any of these limiting behaviors?
• Do I blame someone or something outside of myself, thus giving away my power, leaving me a victim of circumstances?
• Do I constantly complain about something I have no control over just to have something to complain about?
• Do I judge another based on who they are or do I judge the actions?

If you answered YES to any or all, simply make the decision to remove these limiting behaviors today and watch how your life opens up to all sorts of unlimited possibilities.

Are You An Unpaid Critic?

Our next limiting behavior is criticizing. Okay, I know you never criticize, or rather, you offer constructive criticism. I think that is one of the slickest yet insidious ways to mask criticism. Unless, you are paid to give a critique – then keep it to yourself! This is my rule of thumb. Yes, but what if someone asks me? Turn it back on them.

“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” ~ Author Unknown

I am speaking of criticism as expressing disapproval by pointing out faults or shortcomings. My favorite is when someone will ask about an outfit – knowing full well what the answer will be and, they already have their own mind made up about it. Most of us have fallen into this trap. Why bother to ask? Because most women, not all, but most, have grown up with the very low sense of self. They don’t rely on their own opinion so they seek out the opinion of others. Or, they need the approval of others before they make a move.

When I say turn it back on them, I simply mean to ask them if they like and feel comfortable with the outfit, the decision, or whatever it is – and if they do, then go for it! The bottom line is to offer criticism only when asked for and then do the truth in love. You don’t have to say, “Good God, you look absolutely hideous in that thing!” Just say if you like and feel comfortable, then go for it!

After saying this, don’t go out and buy a Tee shirt that says, “I couldn’t talk her out of that ridiculous outfit!” Not cool!

No More Victim Stories

This week, I would like to focus on a set of behaviors that I believe keeps us living very small lives and limits our becoming women (and men) of purpose. In order to gain mastery over these behaviors, we need to expose then and shine light on them. Only those behaviors brought into the light can be properly dealt with.

Although the list of limiting behaviors could get quite lengthy, I will only speak of four of them here this week. I do believe that once you have a grasp on these behaviors, you will be able to easily recognize them; thus gain awareness and clarity over why certain areas of your life become stuck and stagnant.

So, what are these limiting behaviors we will shine light on this week? They are blaming, complaining, criticizing and judging. Do you recognize any or all as too close a companion? Yes, we have all engaged in one or another at some point in our lives. And you may say there is a healthy time and place for them. Well, I call that justification – another limiting behavior that does not serve you.

What I want to get at here with these behaviors is that you are on a journey to a life of peace, passion and purpose. You are living your passions from your divine heart message, thus will you be at peace. And yes, you need other people to make it so. But the four limiting behaviors are more about not minding your own story, looking at another person’s behavior instead of dealing with your own, pointing the finger at someone else and not taking personal responsibility for your own unique and precious life. Put all of these together and your life is called victimhood.

This week, you will stop being a victim in your own life story and start being the divine creator you were created to be!