Here Comes the Judge!

We have come to the end of out week long journey into those limiting behaviors that keep you stuck and not able to be the divine creative expression you were meant to be. First we looked at blaming – the victim’s playground. This is the behavior that leaves you powerless and being a victim of your circumstances. Then we took a brief look into complaining – a close cousin of blaming; and an easy and convenient way to not take full responsibility for your life.

Next, we took a lighter walk on the dark side of criticizing. If you want peace in your life, you must do the truth in love and avoid the trap of criticizing.

Our final limiting behavior this week is judging which is another cleverly cloaked behavior as there are those who make their living from judging others. Yes, there are times when we must judge in order to bring about justice – but we are called to judge the behavior and the actions of the other, not the person him or herself. Judgment is the considered evaluation of evidence in the formation of making a decision. But take it a step further… making a decision based on the actions of the individual.

“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” ~ Author Unknown (yes, it bears repeating!)

Our tendency is to label a person, thus judging them; then that label becomes their identity in the eyes of the one judging. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once noted when you label me, you negate me. How very wise! To label someone, to judge them based on things like gender, age, color of skin, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, is to negate and deny their true character. If there is anger, greed and dissention in one culture, then it is somewhere in all cultures. There are class wars, turf wars, religious wars – all based on judgment; which only escalates into fear and hatred.

If someone has behaved poorly or inappropriately, then the behavior must be judged and dealt with. Yes, the person pays the price for their poor choice; but not because he is of a certain class or religion.

Case in point: Little 6-year-old Suzy is told that she cannot have cookies so close to dinnertime. Little Suzy takes the cookies anyway. You could tell Suzy that because she made a poor choice and chose to disobey, she must be punished appropriately for her actions; or, you could tell her that she is a bad girl and she never listens. One way judges and reprimands her behavior; the other way judges her as a person and potentially disturbs her growing character.

So, just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

• Do I engage in any of these limiting behaviors?
• Do I blame someone or something outside of myself, thus giving away my power, leaving me a victim of circumstances?
• Do I constantly complain about something I have no control over just to have something to complain about?
• Do I judge another based on who they are or do I judge the actions?

If you answered YES to any or all, simply make the decision to remove these limiting behaviors today and watch how your life opens up to all sorts of unlimited possibilities.

Blame: A Victim’s Playground

Our first limiting behavior this week is blaming. I cannot state enough how truly damaging this behavior can be. It absolutely keeps you living a small, sad existence and you will never show up as the divine bright light you truly are.

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

Wikipedia defines blame as: the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise.

Yes, we have all had something done to us or against us. As children, we were victims of our circumstances because we were not in control of our choices or our lives. Today, as mature adults, we do have control over the choices we make and I am here to tell you that everything is a choice. Even when you choose not to make a choice – it is still a choice!

I do not say condone or ignore poor or inappropriate behavior, but anything done to you was done in the past. You must forgive the past and move on; or you will never live a happy and peaceful present or future.

When you continue to blame someone or something outside of yourself, you are essentially giving away your power; which renders you powerless. Being powerless keeps you stuck in the role of victim; and in the grand scheme of life, there are no victims, only volunteers. When you continue to cast blame on something or someone outside of yourself, you are in essence signing up to be victim – that is the choice you are making; albeit an unconscious choice.

So, just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

• What was my part in this situation?
• For what purpose have I attracted it into my life? (Remember, it takes two to tango!)
• What are the lessons and the blessings in this situation?

No More Victim Stories

This week, I would like to focus on a set of behaviors that I believe keeps us living very small lives and limits our becoming women (and men) of purpose. In order to gain mastery over these behaviors, we need to expose then and shine light on them. Only those behaviors brought into the light can be properly dealt with.

Although the list of limiting behaviors could get quite lengthy, I will only speak of four of them here this week. I do believe that once you have a grasp on these behaviors, you will be able to easily recognize them; thus gain awareness and clarity over why certain areas of your life become stuck and stagnant.

So, what are these limiting behaviors we will shine light on this week? They are blaming, complaining, criticizing and judging. Do you recognize any or all as too close a companion? Yes, we have all engaged in one or another at some point in our lives. And you may say there is a healthy time and place for them. Well, I call that justification – another limiting behavior that does not serve you.

What I want to get at here with these behaviors is that you are on a journey to a life of peace, passion and purpose. You are living your passions from your divine heart message, thus will you be at peace. And yes, you need other people to make it so. But the four limiting behaviors are more about not minding your own story, looking at another person’s behavior instead of dealing with your own, pointing the finger at someone else and not taking personal responsibility for your own unique and precious life. Put all of these together and your life is called victimhood.

This week, you will stop being a victim in your own life story and start being the divine creator you were created to be!

Who Are You Blaming?

As I stated in yesterday’s post, it is easy to point the finger at someone or something else when we are feeling bad. For many years, when I was feeling depressed or anxious, I would blame my mother, my sibling, the moon, you name it. Doing this, I did not have to take responsibility. But this also meant, I forfeited my power to the person or thing I deemed responsible. This meant that I also had no power to change the way I felt.

I rarely, if ever, owned my feelings, therefore, my behavior that resulted from those feelings. It was so-and-so who made me do it. Growing up in my house, the devil was the likely perpetrator to blame things on. It was convenient and bore all the responsibility. I was completely off the hook. Yet, I still felt bad, sad, mad, or glad. The devil couldn’t do anything about lifting my negative moods, or changing my behavior. And, the devil managed to not get the punishments – I received those.

Until you take full and complete responsibility for your own emotions and behaviors, you will always be the victim, powerless and not in control of your own life. As the great First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt once so wisely stated, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So whether you think you are the victim of someone else’s bad behavior, you are still allowing it. Take back your power and you will find you can also control your emotions. 

No, the devil did not make you do it!

Coach Carolyn

Take Responsibility for Your Life

"If your everyday life seems poor, don't blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is no poverty and no indifferent place." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

You have heard it said that when you point the finger of blame, there are three fingers pointing right back at you. It is so easy to blame our circumstances and external events when things in our lives just aren’t going well. It is the fault of the economy, the government, my boss, my spouse, my Golden Retriever, the list goes on. Yet, there is one person we seem to leave off that list; and all you need do is look in the mirror. Now, unless you are a vampire, you will be looking at yourself.

It is your choices that have created the situations you are dealing with in your life. I know we don’t like to hear this, because it was someone else’s doings and undoings that created this situation. That may be the case, but you still made the choice to become involved. We do have choice. We do not have to show up to every argument, drama or negativity that we are invited to. The invitations on those are flowing. Sometimes it’s okay to just stay home.

You have the power to choose… choose wisely!
Coach Carolyn