Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"How can you improve your attitude to improve your life?"

“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz

A Winning Attitude

Did you know that you have the power to either make your day or break your day? Not just your day but your entire life? How? With your attitude. Your attitude determines what your day and your life will be. It determines your circumstances and how you behave in those circumstances. Your attitude determines how people react or respond to you on a daily basis. It is extremely important to have the right attitude, a winning attitude, each and every day.

What is an attitude? An attitude is an outward expression of an inward emotion. It is your mental approach to life consisting of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors that determines your disposition toward yourself and others. You see, how people react or respond to you is all determined by your attitude. If you are grumpy and sour, people will tend to avoid you and steer clear of you. If you are cheerful and happy, then people will want to be in your company. Winston Churchill said your attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. It is a mindset and you must get into the habit of having a positive mindset. Are you one who wakes up each morning and think, “Good God, it’s morning!” Or, are you one who wake up and think, “God, it’s a good morning!” The subtle difference will make a huge difference in your attitude and how you face the day.

“I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street,

I met a man who had no feet.” 

~ Ancient Persian Saying

Writer and poet Oscar Wilde once said, “The secret to life is to never have an emotion that is unbecoming!” Remember, your attitude is your outward expression of your inward emotion. If your inward emotions are fear, anger, irritability, and bitterness most of the time, then this is going to become your outward expression; which is expressed in your behaviors.

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,

but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” 

~ Herm Albright

How do you create a winning attitude? First, you must decide to change your attitude. Look at your life. If you are not enjoying the level of success you desire; if you don’t have the quality of relationships you would like; then perhaps you need to make an attitude adjustment. Next, get in the habit of re-programming your mind for the success you desire, the relationships you want, the lifestyle you would like to have. Get in the habit of consciously creating your ideal day. Every morning before you begin your day, determine what kind of day you want to have. You must stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

“How am I going to meet this new day?”

“What kind of day would I like to have?”

“What must I do to have that kind of day?”

Let the questions soak in; then allow the answers to come. A daily practice of this kind of conscious asking and planning and soon you will see not only your attitude change, but your life change as well. Someone very wise once said that attitudes are contagious; you want to make sure yours are worth catching.

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"How are you mindfully taking care of yourself?" 

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Mindful Self Care

We live in a society of instant gratification, fast foods and speed dialing. If we think about it, what are we actually hurrying to? Where are we trying to go in such a hurry? As morbid as it sounds, we are essentially speeding towards death, the final destination. But life is not about the destination, life is about the journey. You cannot enjoy the journey if you don’t take the time to stop and experience it.

In working with women and men going through difficult life transitions, they too continued on the proverbial treadmill called life until something caused them to stop. I am here to tell you, you don’t want to wait for a life transition or setback to happen in order to take a mental and spiritual time out. When clients and students seek me out, they are in crisis mode. They were going along on their treadmill called life, speeding faster and faster until something stopped working for them. Perhaps it was a job loss, a health challenge or the illness or sudden death of a loved one. Whatever the crisis, it forced them to stop.

I teach women how to stop before the crisis strikes; so that when it does strike – and believe me, it will – they are better prepared to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. If you intentionally and mindfully stop for self care, you will have spiritual practices in place when your transitional moment does come. I have discovered in my own journey of pain and grief, that it is not enough to know what to do because when the crisis hits, you immediately reverted back to what you have always done – whether it worked or not.

Yes, we have read all the self help books, listened to all the personal development audios and attended all the self growth lectures and workshops. So we know what to do to take care of ourselves. But as the proverb goes, to know and not to do is not to know! You don’t really know how to practice self care of you don’t do self care. Taking care of yourself must be a selfish practice. If you have ever flown in an airplane, then you know the flight instructions say in case of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first, then help your dependents. You cannot give what you do not have. When you are overly busy and overly tired, how much of you is left for your loved ones? Not much!

So, I invite you to cultivate the practice of taking a present moment time out every day. No, you don’t have to join an ashram or go sit in a temple – unless you want to! Simply take a time out during your daily water moments. You have water moments each and every day. You shower, you wash, you pee, you flush, you wash your hands, you water plants, you use water to cook and clean. Whenever you encounter water in your day, stop; take three deep, abdominal breaths and say, “Thank you, Mother Earth, for this water I am blessed to use!” Then, resume your day. This takes all of three minutes and it is three minutes you are fully present in the moment as you honor one of our most sacred resources in gratitude. It is a simple meditation and a simple way to cultivate a spiritual practice of present moment self care.

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"Where in your life can you manage your tasks to gain more time?"

“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz

Manage Tasks, Manage Time

For any of us who have extremely busy lives, we all still have one very important fact in common: we all get the exact same 24 hours in a day. In all my years of coaching, teaching and counseling, I have come to realize there is no such thing as time management. You cannot manage time; no matter which way you slice it, you still have the same 24 hours in a day. What you can manage are the tasks you choose to do in that 24 hour period. When I say choose, I mean you have complete control over them. The tasks you do everyday are the tasks you choose; no one else chose them and you can choose not to do them as well.

In my coaching and counseling practice, I hear so many women say those dreaded four words: “I don’t have time!” When pressed, it is because they are so busy. I do understand being busy, but I don’t understand being too busy to do the things you truly want to do and enjoy doing. If you have opted doing busy work for doing productive and creative work, then something is out of harmony in your life.

It is said that time flies when you’re having fun. This is very true. My days fly by because I choose to fill them with the things I am passionate about. If I choose to fulfill a task that is a drudgery, then I need to either delegate that task, if possible, or change my view about that task. I know several people who do not like doing laundry. If I chose to view this necessary task as just cleaning a bunch of dirty clothes, then I would probably hate it as well. But I love the smell and the feeling of clean clothes. I love folding and putting away fresh, clean clothes. To me, it is like a new beginning. The truth is, I enjoy doing laundry because I have a positive view of the outcome. Also, laundry is one of those low maintenance tasks that I can do while doing a high maintenance task that I enjoy. A low maintenance task is a task you begin and it can basically run itself; you don’t have to do much and there is no active brain work involved. Doing laundry is a low maintenance task because outside of adding the detergents and fabric softeners, there isn’t much else to think about. While you are doing this low maintenance task, you can also do a high maintenance task – one that needs your complete focus and attention. This high maintenance task should be related to your daily goals and intentions – not random acts of doing.

Multi-tasking is counter productive unless you pair a low maintenance task with a high maintenance task. Doing two high maintenance tasks at the same time only means they each get 50% of your attention and effort. Doing two low maintenance tasks at the same time is a waste of your time and energy. You cannot drive your children to school while working on that proposal – those are two high maintenance tasks which require your full attention.

Look at your daily tasks and determine which can be paired up. Allot enough time to complete those tasks and stick with them until they are completed. Save your high maintenance tasks for when you have the physical, emotional and spiritual energy to do them. While you are at your lowest energy level, you can do things like check your emails, fold and iron the laundry and the like. These tasks do not require much brain power.

Eliminate or delegate those tasks you don’t need to do yourself. If chopping vegetables is a pain, then buy vegetables already chopped. Be creative and find ways to add value to your time and life. And make sure you add a creative outlet for yourself – like crafts, scrapbooking, baking, knitting, gardening, playing tennis or swimming. Find something you can do just for you as a release. We all need this. You must create a space in your day just for you – even if it is just 30 minutes; those can be the most precious 30 minutes of your day.

You have time for what you make time for. You have the power to choose what you make the time for.

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"What areas of your life can you grow your confidence muscles?"

“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz

Living Fearlessly Confident

I have discovered that living a fearless life is a myth. Fear will come to pay you a visit at one time or another; there is nothing you can do about that. But I have realized that when I befriend my fear, I can then use it to my advantage and create a life of confidence, abundance and inner peace.

We are born with two fears – falling and loud noises – all other fears are learned; and we have learned them all too well. Although someone has taught us those extra fears, they failed to teach us how to befriend them when they come calling. Fear is one of our innate emotions, therefore we do need it. When we feel fear, our mind and body knows exactly what to do to kick us into fight or flight mode. Unfortunately, we have allowed our fight or flight engine to continue running. Our minds and bodies cannot perceive a real threat from an imagined one.

If we want to live a confident life – the life we were created to live, by the way – then we must first become comfortable with our fearful side. Fear comes along not to harm us but to alert us that something new and exciting is about to happen.

Incredible innovators like Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs must have felt the pangs of fear all the time. The difference is they learned how to use their fear to their advantage. They knew that if they allowed the voice of their fears and doubts to get louder than the voice of their passions and dreams, then nothing would have come of those passions and dreams. Just think of the inventions and creations we would not be using today if those innovators gave into their fears.

So, what was the difference between those innovators and everyone else? What did they do that helped them to befriend their fears and realize their dreams? They made the decision to pursue their dreams; they decided that their dreams were more important to them than their fears and doubts were. They used their amazing power to choose. They all made a choice then took action on that choice.

Author Napoleon Hill wrote in his classic, Think and Grow Rich, that indecision breeds fear. This has been very true in my life and the life of my students and clients. When I made a conscious decision to be, to do, or to have something, my world would shift. It was as if I have given the universe permission to begin my own symphony. Opportunities would come my way, resources would come into my awareness, and the right people would connect with me. Once I could make the decision, I set into motion a whole operating system – just for me and my dream.

We all make decisions everyday; but most of those decisions are made unconsciously. Most of our life is lived on autopilot and we choose by default. This is just as bad as indecision; because the decision is not made consciously. Although we make decisions consciously, our subconscious mind has the task of rejecting any decision or dream that is not aligned with how we have been taught. If we have been taught fear, then the subconscious mind will respond to our dreams with fear. We become frozen, paralyzed by the fear and we do not proceed with making our dream a reality. But once we make a conscious decision that we will be, do and have what we desire, then inspired action steps come into our awareness and we can proceed to take those action steps.

The subconscious mind will bring into your awareness everything you need to create the confident life you so desire. Making conscious choices and taking small, inspired action steps on those choices will lead to more confidence in yourself and in your dreams. But again, not making the decision to act on your desires will only bring up more fear and doubt. Once you take an action, there is no more doubt because you know that you are capable to take the action.

You begin to take on your fears as a challenge; knowing that you are moving forward on your dreams and desires. You know that when you feel the fear, it only means that you have a desire that will stretch you to become bigger and brighter, and lead you to a more confident life.

Just for today, live your life fearlessly confident!

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"Where in your life are you judging instead of simply noticing?" 

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes