25 August 2008

Are You Living Your Agreements?

Our Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup Group concluded our three part discussion of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. We by no means exhausted the topic. We, at least I, could talk on these agreements until the cows come home. When exactly do the cows come home? Anyway, our discussion was very powerful. We had a great group of ladies, as usual. It is always a new group because one or two new ladies will join us. Yet, the dynamics are always fascinating.

One of my passions is being a part of a group of purposeful women discussing spiritual issues that impacts their souls. Amazing to watch and share. We discussed honoring our agreements. Life is about making, breaking and re-negotiating agreements. We make an agreement, say to meet someone at a certain time. Then as life happens, we break the agreement. The reasons do not matter. What does matter is that we then need to re-negotiate the agreement, or make a new agreement. This is the part we fall down on. We don’t communicate our feelings about the broken agreement, so we just stew and let the matter fester until we are carrying anger and resentment towards the other person.

If we would just have a conversation with that person about the broken agreement; not in an angry or argumentative manner, but in a loving and honest way, then things would not get so out of hand. All we need to do is to clarify the agreement, apologize if necessary, and then make a new agreement. Make the new agreement with a few clarifying points. Say to the other, “okay, let me see if I got this right…” then repeat the agreement to clarify. When we can make and negotiate agreements in this way, our relationships are so much stronger and kinder.

Several other topics along the same theme came up and I want to recap one of them because I believe that we could all benefit from shining light on it here. The concern was about being and staying present. We tend to live either in the past ~ dealing with regrets and if onlys, or we live in the future ~ worrying about the what ifs. Both are about our fears and both take us out of the present moment. I know that we all have these moments when we fret over past events or worry about our tomorrows.

It is about creating spiritual practices for ourselves. One of the practices could be taking one issue or worry that you are carrying and take some small action toward it. If something is bothering you about your past, it could possibly be an incompletion in your life. An incompletion is something that was left undone or unsaid in your past that is affecting your present. For example, if a memory comes up for you and there is some amount of pain attached to the memory, chances are there is something incomplete about that event. So you need to complete it.

To complete what was left incomplete, get clear about what the incompletion is. Ask questions about it: What is incomplete? What did I feel about the circumstances of that event? How does that affect me in the present moment? How is it affecting my moving forward? After exhausting all of the questions, then ask what needs to be done to complete it. Who is involved? Remember, it is not necessary to involve another if it would be harmful to you or to them.

Can you declare it complete and move on? Sometimes you just need to make the declaration and be done with it. The event or circumstance may not need anything done to complete it except to declare it complete.

Remember, life is a process, not an event. This all takes one step and one moment at a time. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. Just wake up the next day and agree to make a new agreement. Soon you will see that your life will shift to a brighter and more peaceful way of being.

Make and keep your agreements on purpose!
Coach Carolyn

Now, about those cows. It is an old Irish expression. So, when do the cows come home? Well, when they are damn good and ready! Or when they need to be milked. Just like a cow!

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