27 August 2008

Making Agreements ~ A Question

Greetings Purposeful Divas and Divos!

Just wanted to share an email I received concerning making, breaking and negotiating agreements. I believe it can benefit other women as well.

Thanks so much for sending this recap. It is extremely useful and full of wonderful ideas. I wish I was not out of town and could have attended.

If someone breaks an agreement with you...say a lover who cheats on you...what could one say to share ones feelings in an adult, honest, loving way and not angry and then renegotiate a new agreement?

Much appreciation and gratitude for your insights.


Your question is a good one and one that I am sure lots of people are dealing with. When we speak of making agreements, we also mean making agreements with ourselves; all this comes down to trust.

Do you trust yourself enough to make and re-negotiate an agreement? If not, how can you trust another? We expect significant others to do for us what we will not do for ourselves.

Did you make an agreement with the other person? I don't mean a hap-hazard sort of agreement, but a real agreement with clarifying statements?

In re-negotiating an agreement, we must do the truth in love. State exactly what you are feeling about the broken agreement. State facts.

"When you did ______, I felt ______. The impact that had on me was ____. My request is ______."

No angry words, no emotional outbursts. Just state the facts. Then re-negotiate as you feel comfortable. The re-negotiation process is unique to each situation. What does your gut/intuition tell you? Are you able to trust the person again in order to make a new agreement.

Infidelity is a difficult case. Discern carefully and take your time. This is your life. Only you must live it.

Agree with a purpose!
Coach Carolyn

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