Transcend Your Fears

“You can never become a great man or woman until you have overcome anxiety, worry, and fear. It is impossible for an anxious person, a worried one, or a fearful one to perceive truth; all things are distorted and thrown out of their proper relations by such mental states, and those who are in them cannot read the thoughts of God.” ~ Wallace D. Wattles

We live in a world of wonderful connections and relationships. Yet, there is something that looms within those connections and relationships that keep us stuck, keep us struggling, keep us broke, and keep us falling into habit patterns that simply do not serve. That something is fear. As Wattles says in The Science of Getting Rich, when we are fearful we cannot perceive truth or properly connect with God or one another.

I have read that most relationships end because of lack of communication. I believe the underlying agent is fear. Why can't we communicate properly? We are afraid of what the other might think.... We are afraid of being rejected.... We are afraid of being hurt.... We are afraid of looking stupid.... And on and on and on it goes. Why are we so afraid? Beliefs, habits and paradigms that do not serve us.

Then we get into another relationship that looks exactly like the one we just got out of or even more toxic. The cycle continues. It is time to get off of the merry-go-round of fear and anxiety. Life is meant to be about ease and flow, not effort and fear. Unfortunately, I see more of the latter than the former. I can see it very clearly because I used to be smack dab in the center of it. I was afraid of everything. Growing up in violence, fear was the name of the game. So, I learned to disappear and it served me well - too well, I may add.

I finally made the decision to get off the fear merry-go-round. But it was not easy. It still is not easy; but because I made the decision, I did it. I had to get in alignment with what the universe had in store for me. Today, I have the tools in my toolkit to release the fears that hold me back and keep me stuck, and transcend the fears that are working for my highest good.

Here's to transcending your fears!

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"How has meditation changed your life?" 

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Practice Mindfulness

“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what hold you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.” ~ Buddha

According to Wikipedia, meditation is a holistic discipline during which time the practitioner trains his or her mind in order to realize some benefit. The focus being to train the mind.

My definition of meditation is the practice of becoming present and centered. If you are anything like me, you have the very active monkey mind – where your thoughts swing to and fro. So, to try and sit still to meditate was not happening. Then I began doing mindfulness meditation. You can mindfully meditate while walking in nature, while walking your dog, while jogging, while doing the dishes. It is about being present without resistance or judgment.

I started serious meditation to relieve chronic pain. This morphed into gaining increased creativity, heightened awareness, more focus and concentration, and being able to make better decisions about my life. As the Buddha says, meditation brings wisdom while the lack of meditation leaves ignorance.

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"How will you be your own change?" 

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Be Your Own Change

The often quoted mantra attributed to Mohandas Gandhi is “Be the change you want to see in the world.” The famous peacemaker was saying that if you want to see any kind of radical shift, you must first be that shift. This is profound wisdom and rings true for every area of life.

If you want to have peace in your immediate world – in your family, in your work life, in your spiritual life – then you must first be the peace you wish to have. You cannot want peace in your life and constantly be in a state of chaotic stress and yelling bouts. Once you calm down to the level of peace you want to see, you will be amazed at how your immediate surroundings will match your level of peace.

It has been said that you cannot fight fire with fire. How many times have you raised your voice either to be heard or to get your point across – or both? What did the other person do? I can bet they raised their voice as well; perhaps even louder. Soon you were just two people yelling at one another; no one was actually listening to the other. This is not peace; this is not even conversation. It is two very loud monologues. Not very productive, I must say. But what if you lowered your voice instead of raising it? Or, what if you just stopped talking for a moment and simply listened? Yes, a novel idea! But what tends to happen is true conversation, true dialogue; not two angry and loud monologues. If you truly want peace, you must make the effort to create peace in your environment.

Ever noticed that when you whisper to someone, they will whisper back; and even ask, “Why are we whispering?” Pretty funny! But it is the power of being what you want to have. You want to have peace, you must be peace. You want to have health, you must be health. You want to have love, you must be love. You will never receive back what you yourself are not willing to give. It is in giving that we receive, as the prayer states.

So, just for today, be the peace, the love, the change you wish to see in the world.

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking? 

"What are you choosing to focus your energy and attention on?

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Make the Choice to Meditate

"Eventually, meditation will make our mind calm, clear, and as concentrated as a laser which we can focus at will. This capacity of one-pointed attention is the essence of genius. When we have this mastery over attention in everything we do, we have a genius for life itself: unshakable security, clear judgment, and deep personal relationships." ~ Eknath Easwaran

If the thought of meditating makes you cringe just a little, then re-define the way you do meditation. Personally, I could never sit still on my own to meditate. I would squirm, fidget, itch, and forget about my mind. There would be a full length feature film of my past and my future.

I truly wanted to meditate; I wanted to have that stillness and that moment of inner peace. So, I determined to see this through. I can now meditate for an hour at a time ~ still wanting more time. What was the catalyst to change?

Firstly, I made the decision to meditate. I could either choose to meditate or choose not to meditate.

Secondly, I changed my thoughts about meditation. It was no longer this big thing that I could not do. I simply did it five minutes at a time, with music or a guided imagery. Five minutes became ten minutes which became twenty minutes, finally moving to sixty minutes. There are many guided meditations from five minutes to sixty minutes. So seek out what would help you. And be consistent.

Train your brain for inner peace,

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking? 

"What do you do daily to maintain your inner peace?"

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

The Gift of Peace

Novelist and poet Christopher Morley once said, "When you give someone a book, you don't give them just paper, ink, and glue. You give them the possibility of a whole new life."

One of the possibilities is the possibility of inner peace. Not only can a book transport a person to a far off land, to another time, a different space, but it can also give the gift of inner peace – a respite from the harried and hurried life they are all too familiar with.

When you need to give a gift and have no idea what to give – give the gift of inner peace.

Give a gift certificate to a favorite bookstore or to Amazon.com. It’s the kind of gift that will forever be appreciated and cherished.

Give the gift of peace,

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

List your five closest friends.
Which are toxic ~ complainers, blamers and energy drainers?
Which are nutritious ~ encouraging, inspiring, challenging you to come up higher?

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Nutritious vs. Toxic Friends

“The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs. So relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth... if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them.” ~ Shakti Gawain

Who are you hanging out with? Are you spending most of your time around nutritious people? Or toxic people?

Remember, you are the average of your five closest friends. Think about who those five friends are. Do you find yourself complaining about them more and more as time goes on? When you leave their company do you feel challenged, rejuvenated and encouraged? Or, do you feel drained and discouraged?

Have you stopped to ask yourself about your close relationships?

If you are tolerating toxic people, then it will reflect in your life.

If I gave you a beautiful bottle, I am sure you would take it. If I told you that bottle contains a deadly poison, you would think twice about taking it. Yet, this is exactly what you are doing when you associate with toxic people. You are not only taking the bottle, but you are ingesting the poison!

On the same coin – are you a nutritious friend to someone else? Or, are you someone other people would not want to be around? This goes both ways. Remember, when we point the finger, we have three more pointing right back at ourselves.

Just for today, take a serious inventory of your closest relationships. It may be time to do some spring cleaning.

The 7 Habits of Calmness

Fabulous article by Leo Babauta of zen habits. Enjoy!

I have come to believe that high stress, constant anxiety over tasks and work and life, social anxiety … is all a part of the modern way of life.

Most people just don’t feel a sense of peace, of calm, of serenity, throughout their day. I have to admit that I’m the same way some of the time, but I have learned a few things that have helped me create a feeling of calmness much more of the time than ever before.

It’s a series of habits that have developed over the last few years. I’m not perfect at them, but I do practice them, and they are always helpful.

These are habits, not a one-time change in my surroundings or work pattern. Changing your environment is great, but you can’t control the things that happen to you much of the time, and you certainly can’t control how other people act. The only thing you can control is your response — and this response matters. You can respond to the same event with anxiety or anger, or you can respond with peace and calmness.

Let’s figure out how.

The Habits of Calmness

These are the habits to develop that will help you develop calmness (based on my experience):

1. A calm morning ritual. Many people rush through their mornings, starting the day out in a stressful rush. I wake up a little earlier (5 a.m. these days, though that changes), and start with a little meditation, then a few yoga poses. I then start writing, before I let the noise in. Exercise is another component of my morning routine. You don’t need to do the same things, but find the quiet of the morning and make the most of it.
2. Learn to watch your response. When something stressful happens, what is your response? Some people jump into action — though if the stressful situation is another person, sometimes action can be harmful. Others get angry, or overwhelmed. Still others start to feel sorry for themselves, and wish things were different. Why can’t other people behave better? Watch this response — it’s an important habit.
3. Don’t take things personally. Many times the response (that you noticed in Habit 2) is to take things personally. If someone does something we don’t like, often we tend to interpret this as a personal affront. Our kids don’t clean their rooms? They are defying us! Our spouse doesn’t show affection today? He/she must not care as much as he/she should! Someone acts rudely at work? How could they treat us this way?! Some people even think the universe is personally against them. But the truth is, it’s not personal — it’s the other person’s issue that they’re dealing with. They are doing the best they can. You can learn not to interpret events as a personal affront, and instead see it as some non-personal external event (like a leaf falling, a bird flying by) that you can either respond to without a stressful mindset, or not need to respond to at all.
4. Be grateful. Sure, lots of people talk about gratitude … but how often do we apply it to the events of our day? Things are crashing down at work, or our boss is angry, or our co-workers are rude, or our kids are misbehaving, or someone doesn’t love us as we’d like … do these cause anger/anxiety/unhappiness, or can we be grateful? Drop the complaints, and find a way to be grateful, no matter what. And then smile. This unbending habit can change your life.
5. Create stress coping habits. Many times, when we are faced with stress, we have unhealthy responses — anger, feeling overwhelmed and withdrawing, eating junk food, drinking alcohol or taking drugs, shopping or otherwise buying stuff, going to time-wasting sites, procrastinating, and so on. Instead, we need healthy ways to cope with stress, which will come inevitably. When you notice stress, watch how you cope with it, and then replace any unhealthy coping habits with healthier ones. Healthy stress coping habits include: drinking tea, exercise, yoga, meditation, massaging your own neck & shoulders, taking a walk, drinking some water, talking with someone you care about.
6. Single-task. I’ve written numerous times in the past about single-tasking vs. multitasking, but I think people multitask now more than ever. People text while on the train, while walking, while driving. They tweet and post to Facebook and Instagram, they email and read blogs and news, they watch videos while getting things done, they watch TV while eating, they plan their day while doing chores. This is a great way to cause a level of anxiety that runs through everything you do, because you’re always worried you should be doing more, doing something else. What if, instead, you just did one thing, and learned to trust that you shouldn’t be doing anything else? It takes practice: just eat. Just wash your bowl. Just walk. Just talk to someone. Just read one article or book, without switching. Just write. Just do your email, one at a time, until your inbox is empty. You’ll learn that there is peace in just doing one thing, and letting go of everything else.
7. Reduce noise. Our lives are filled with all kinds of noise — visual clutter, notifications, social media, news, all the things we need to read. And truthfully, none of it is necessary. Reduce all these things and more, and create some space, some quiet, in your life.

Remembering Debbie Ford

“Most of us are waiting for the day when we’ll do better, when we’ll have everything we want, and when we will become the people we most want to be. But as you know, that day doesn’t just magically arrive. That day is a choice.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Debbie was a beautiful bright light in the area of personal growth and development. Having completed her tremendous work here on earth, she made her transition to be among the angels and luminaries who will continue to guide the way and shine a light in the darkness for so many generations to come.

I was always touched by her genuineness and her authenticity. She was indeed a woman of purpose.

Debbie, we will miss you on this physical plane; but we know that you are still smiling and lighting the way for us all.

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?

"For life to be life, I must do at least one thing a day for my soul, one thing a day for my heart, one thing a day for my mind. Today is the whole of life. Don’t miss it." ~ Joan Chittister, OSB

 

"What is the one thing you will do today for your soul, your heart and your mind?"

“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz

Meditate...On Purpose

Meditation is simply directed concentration, and involves learning to focus your awareness and direct it onto an object: your breath, a phrase or word repeated silently, a memorized inspirational passage, or an image in the mind's eye. The benefits of meditation are numerous, and include:

1. Helping lower blood pressure
2. Decreasing heart and respiratory rates
3. Increasing blood flow
4. Enhancing immune function
5. Reducing perception of pain and relieving chronic pain due to arthritis and other disorders
6. Maintaining level mood
7. Bringing awareness and mindfulness to everyday aspects of life

A simple form of meditation that can be practiced by anyone is to walk or sit quietly in a natural setting and allow your thoughts and sensations to occur; observing them without judgment.

~ From Dr. Andrew Weil

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking? 

"What are your desires telling you? Are you really listening?"

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Focus on Your Desires

The most direct route to creating what you want is to focus your intention on your strongest desire, and then have the discipline to hold that intention without drifting into fear.

"Before we can focus on our strongest desire we have to learn to listen. Spirit speaks to us through our desires. When we quiet our mind we are able to hear them. Desires may dart in and out of our awareness, but true desires always come back. They don't stay away for long.

"At first the desire may feel overwhelming, unattainable, but by consistently bringing your attention back to the desire instead of following your fears, its fulfillment is guaranteed. The next time a strong desire comes into your awareness do not be so quick to chase it away. Relax and let it stay awhile. Become familiar with it. See and feel the richness of this glorious unfolding.

"If it's entering your consciousness, it's yours to claim. The longer you can stay with the desire the more graceful will be its manifestation." ~ Janice Campbell

Just for today, focus on your dreams and not on your fears!

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking? 

"Are you living consciously and how do you know you are? If you are not, then why not?

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Conscious Living

In our busy day to day lives, one of the biggest neglects is taking time out to pause – to just fall still. This may seem like a very counter intuitive thing to do, especially when you are so busy. But I assure you, taking a time out to pause is critical to physical health, emotional health and spiritual well being.

Most of your busyness is what I call treadmill busyness – lots of movement but not really getting anywhere. Chances are you merely repeat the same tasks today that you did yesterday and the day before that. And tomorrow will be more of the same. Your life is lived on autopilot, by default; constantly running on that treadmill!

I usually say to my busier than busy clients either you consciously stop and take an emotional time out or life will cause you to pause. When life has to step in, I can promise it won’t be so pretty. Only when a crisis moment strikes, are we then forced to stop – because we have no other choice. By then, it is usually too late and you cannot access your normal coping strategies because you are spiraling out of control.

I recommend three simple yet essential spiritual practices that will not only allow you to take a time out to fall still but also will help you gain more clarity, focus and energy in your life.

1.      STOP. Simply stop – stop doing and just be. It is said that stopping is a spiritual act, though you may see it as doing nothing. Well, that’s the point – don’t just do something, sit there! You have heard the old adage stop and smell the roses? This is truly profound wisdom. Stopping allows you to notice – to notice your next right action to take, instead of acting on impulse or reacting.

2.      Take a breath. Yes, I know you are breathing already, but you are breathing unconsciously or involuntarily. Try breathing on purpose and see how it feels. Conscious breathing is a practice that brings you back to center and back to this present moment. Most of life is not only lived unconsciously, but also lived worrying about the future or regretting the past. It is time to shift into this present moment – the only moment you have any power over.

3.      Ask a compelling question. Once you can stop and take a breath, you can then ask yourself some important and crucial questions, such as:

• Is what I am doing right now moving me closer to the life I truly want to live? Why or why not?
• What is the next small action I can take to create the life of my desires?
• Am I being of service to those around me – family friends, acquaintances – by my constant busyness? Why or why not?

Only when you can fall still, stop, take a breath and ask some compelling questions can you truly begin to create a life lived by design and not by default.

Feeeel Your 2013 Goals!

"If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes." ~ Andrew Carnegie

When setting a goal or an intention, make sure that it ignites your passions and draws out positive emotions. There is no point setting a goal that you are not excited about; or you won’t be happy when you have received it, if you receive it at all.

Chances are you set your goals for this new year with every good intention of making them a reality in your life. Unless you are on fire about your goals and can see yourself being, having and doing them, they will fizzle out in a few months.

Think about what it would feel like once you have your desired goal or intention. Get full of the feeling of being, doing or having it.

Just for today, feel your goal!

Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking? 

"Who or what are you willing to stop blaming to create a wonderful new year?"

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

The Finger of Blame

“Blame is the lie by which we convince ourselves that we are victims. It is the lie that robs us of our serenity, our generosity, our confidence, and our delight in life.” ~ From Bonds That Make Us Free by C. Terry Warner

One of the vicious cousins of fear is blame. When you blame something or someone outside of yourself, you stay in victim mode. If it is someone else’s fault, then you can’t possibly do anything about it. This keeps you stuck. This also robs you of your power, your freedom and your life.

You cannot control another person’s actions but you can control how you respond to those actions. This is where you have full and complete control and responsibility. You can choose to react out of fear or you can choose to respond out of love.

Remember, when you point the finger of blame, there are three fingers pointing right back at you!

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.