Speak... If It Improves the Silence

"Drawing on my fine command of the language... I said nothing." ~ Robert Benchley

Sometimes in order to keep and maintain peace, silence is the best plan. STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

* Does it have to be said?

* Does it have to be said NOW?

* Does it have to be said BY ME?

"We must have reason for speeches but we need none for silence." ~ Wisdom Proverb

Speak only if it's an improvement to silence!

Maintain Peace by Silence

"Drawing on my fine command of the language... I said nothing." ~ Robert Benchley

Sometimes in order to keep and maintain peace, silence is the best plan. STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

* Does it have to be said?

* Does it have to be said NOW?

* Does it have to be said BY ME?

"We must have reason for speeches but we need none for silence." ~ Wisdom Proverb

Speak only if it's an improvement to silence!

The Power of the Word

“A person knowing the power of the word, becomes very careful of his conversation. He has only to watch the reaction of his words to know that they do ‘not return void’. Through his spoken word, man is continually making laws for himself.” ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

Don Miguel Ruiz’ first agreement is “Be Impeccable With the Word”.

I find it amazing how many people speak just to hear the sound of their own voices, or to fill the void of the silence.

Our words are one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal, yet we do not realize what an incredibly powerful tool it is.

Imagine you were given a ration of one thousand words each day.

What would you say?

Who would you say it to?

Something to think about.

So, just for today, be impeccable with your words speak only if it improves the silence!

Embracing Silence

This week, my Blog Talk Radio segment of Mind Your Own Story focused on working through silence. Sharing a powerful meditation from the Daily Om, I spoke about how we allow noise to distract us from facing our true feelings and healing our pains.

"Our lives are typically filled with noise. There are the noises from the outside world that we cannot control, and there are the noises we allow into our lives. These noises, from seemingly innocuous sources like the television and radio, can actually help us avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. However, using noise as a distraction hurts more than it helps because you are numbing yourself to what may be internally bubbling up to the surface for you to look at and heal. Distracting yourself with talk-radio, television, or other background noises can also prevent you from finding closure to issues that haunt you...."

Listen to the segment or read the entire meditation.

Seek Silence

“If you love truth, be a lover of silence. Silence, like the sunlight will illuminate you in God.” ~ St. Isaac, 7th Century Hermit Monk

What a beautiful thought! We live in a society full of noise and useless chatter. Everywhere you go there is the noise of the media, the noise of gossip, and even the noise of one’s own mind chatter. It is a shame that one has to “get away” in order to enjoy peace and quiet. Why get away? Because right here is noisy!

Create your own sanctuary for silence and peace. It is not necessary to go away because wherever you go, there you are! You must be the peace you seek. When you make the conscious choice and effort to turn off the useless chatter, then you will begin to experience more tranquility in your life.

Just for today, be the calm, the peace and the silence you want to see in your life.

Wisdom from Napoleon Hill

A most beneficial use of time is silent meditation, while searching for guidance from within.

We all experience rare moments when a blinding revelation comes to us, when we suddenly see things differently than ever before. Usually, however, we learn the truth about ourselves gradually, over long periods of time, from quiet introspection. We are all spiritual, but some of us have learned to tap more effectively into the great strength that resides in the spiritual portion of ourselves. The spirit is not boisterous and noisy. Getting in touch with your spiritual self demands tranquility and solitude. Make sure you dedicate a portion of every day to thought and study, to think and reflect upon your life. Choose a time and place that best allow you to relax your mind and devote your thoughts to reflection.

I am an avid meditator; can begin or end my day without it. I know the benefits of taking that sacred pause to fall still and silent.

Getting in touch with your spiritual self demands tranquility and solitude. Make sure you dedicate a portion of every day to thought and study, to think and reflect upon your life.

Just for today, begin the practice of falling still, being silent and getting in touch with your spiritual self.

Silence Brings Strength

“Silence is a source of great strength.” ~ Lao Tzu

There is something very healing in silence. When you can step away from the noise and the chatter, you can embrace the calm. One of my readers, Emme, asked if I would speak more to this concept of silence. Thank you, Emme! This is an important topic and one I believe quite neglected in our world today.

Personally, I have been chastised more for being silent than I have for being too talkative. This is the state of the world at present. Years ago, I seriously considered becoming a contemplative nun. I loved the idea of being in silence most of the time. Needless to say, that wasn’t my path but I still maintain my silent moments. As a public speaker, I cherish those moments when I can just be still and know….

As Lao Tzu so wisely said, silence is a source of great strength. I can definitely see that in my daily encounters. There is certainly something very calming in the silence, but also very powerful as well. As I began this week’s topics, I shared about being able to tap into your Inner Divine Wisdom by listening. In order to listen, one must have silence. If you are that person who loves to talk, think about what you are talking about. Just for the moment, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

Is what you are saying necessary and does it need to be heard?

Sometimes we think that just because we have a great thought, everyone else needs to hear it as well.

And most times, no one needs to hear it!

Remember: do not speak unless it improves the silence.

Time to Touch the Stillness

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” ~ Mother Teresa

This week, we will look at being in and with silence and stillness. I am a huge devotee of both silence and stillness. If I could become a hermitess, well….

The only way to know what your Inner Divine Wisdom is telling you is to listen; and you cannot listen if there is constant noise. Constant noise seems to permeate our days and lives. But you will never find the quiet or the stillness unless you make the conscious choice to step away from the noise.

I know what you are saying, I can hear the complaints: But I just don’t have time! Listen, you have time for what you make time for. Heaven forbid you discovered you had a serious illness; wouldn’t you make time for treatment? Well, how about making the time before the illness hits; and believe me, if you don’t make the time now, you will be forced to make the time later.

To make this a bit easier, begin with those moments when you are already forced to stop: when you go to the lu (bathroom, that is!). Just take a moment and take a few deep breaths. This will center you and bring you back to the present moment. Deep breathing also lowers the brainwaves bringing you from the alert beta state to the more sedate alpha state. In the alpha state, you can tap into your Inner Divine Wisdom. It is in this state where you also access your creativity.

Stay tuned for more on being with the stillness. 

Just for today, stop, take a breath and listen!

Vitamin S is for Silence

“True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.” ~ William Penn

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Gandhi which says, speak only if it will improve the silence! Totally brilliant! Spinoza also said that nature abhors a vacuum. This is so true. People in general cannot stand silence. They would rather chatter on mindlessly than reflect on the silence of the present moment.

Not that I am a social snob, okay maybe just a little, but I rarely do dinners and social get-togethers because they are filled with mindless chatter, which I don’t do. As a professional speaker, I am very cautious about my words, my speech, and my voice. They are extremely priceless to me and I refuse to waste them on drivel. There, I said it!

Just for today, reflect on the silence!

Silence Before Words

“Nothing needs to be fixed. Everything is unfolding perfectly. So when you stand in your now accepting that all is well, then from that vibration, you become surrounded by more and more evidence that all is well. But when you're convinced that things are broken, that there is pollution, or that things have gone wrong, or that the government is doing conspiracies... then what happens is you get caught up in that vibration, and you begin to manifest that kind of stuff, and then you say, ‘See, I told you that things were going wrong.’" ~ Abraham-Hicks

The first of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is “Be impeccable with your word.”

Your words have power and magic in them. Use your words with conscious deliberation. Don’t just speak to fill up the silence; we need the silence more than we need the speech. Most people cannot see this point. Our words must be used to heal, empower and inspire others. If what you are about to say to someone doesn’t lead to them being a better person, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK…

Is what I am about to say an improvement to silence right now?

"Drawing on my fine command of the language...I said nothing." ~ Robert Benchley

Coach Carolyn

Manifesting Inner Peace with Silence

"Drawing on my fine command of the language... I said nothing." ~ Robert Benchley

Sometimes in order to keep and maintain peace, silence is the best plan. STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

* Does it have to be said?

* Does it have to be said NOW?

* Does it have to be said BY ME?

"We must have reason for speeches but we need none for silence." ~ Wisdom Proverb

Speak only if it's an improvement to silence!

Coach Carolyn

Using Spiritual Practices

Our Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup met last weekend. I want to say thank you ladies for coming out on a frigid afternoon, I appreciate you all.

We talked about spiritual practices ~ some tips on how to use them and some examples of specific ones. One very important tip is to just do it! It is not about being perfect, but being centered and at peace. This you will never accomplish if you just don’t start already! Never mind about how it looks or sounds to anyone else, this is your journey and your practice. It looks however you need it to look for it to work for you.

Another tip is to have no expectations. It is said that expectations are future rejections. When I expect someone to do something, and they do not; it is not the person that has let me down, but my expectation of them. Go into everything with an open heart and an open mind. This is critical for spiritual practices because when you have expectations, chances are something will come up that is not in line with what you expected. Then what? You give up because it didn’t go according to your plan. In the realm of the spirit, nothing goes according to your plan. This is an important lesson to keep handy. I can do the same practice two days in a row and each day presents something different. Why? Because I am different. I am feeling something different, I am experiencing something new and different, or I am just in a funky place at the time.

One of our newest members shared her spiritual practice of meditation. She remarked how centered and peaceful she feels once she has had her meditation time; and how empty she feels when she does not meditate. Another member shared that she creates vision boards and this is very calming for her.

There is no set practice ~ whatever you do to connect you with the divinity that is within you and outside of you is your practice. I shared my four main practices: prayer and contemplation; spiritual reading; silence and solitude; and journaling. I can definitely feel the effects when one or all of those practices go unchecked. For silence and solitude, I take myself on an Artist Date; just me, my journal and my pen. No friends, family or pets. No distractions, just time to be with yourself, to get to know yourself more.

If you are a newbie to spiritual practices, there are two sites that I have found to very useful: One is Beliefnet – whatever your belief system, this site will accommodate you. It offers prayers, meditations, news and views on all things of a spiritual and religious nature. The other site is Spirituality and Health, named for the magazine. Try one or both sites to jumpstart or spice up your spiritual practice.

I also shared a ritual I use for ending my day: every evening I do a self-inquiry of my day. I answer three questions:
*What have I learned today?
*What have I enjoyed today?
*What have I improved or contributed to today?

Then I list five things I am grateful for that day. Instead of going to sleep anxious and worried about the day or the next day, this sets the tone for restful and peaceful sleep. When you wake up, set an intention for your day.

What would you like the day to look like? Ex., a day full of peace-filled conversations with no drama!

How do you want to feel? I want to feel peaceful and grateful all day, not worried or stressed.

Also, if you have a petty tyrant, that special person whose job it is to constantly annoy you, set an intention that your petty tyrant won’t annoy you today. And if s/he does, it won’t bother you; you will remain in a state of peace and goodwill. It may sound hokey, but when done in the proper spirit, it does work and you will notice the difference. As a coach, teacher and speaker, I have many petty tyrants. Yet, I see them as my teachers ~ they are in my life to teach me something. Yet, I simply remain open and grateful for the lessons and the blessings that come. This is what consistently doing spiritual practices has taught me ~ to be more open and look for the light instead of expecting the darkness.

I would love to hear what spiritual practices work for you. Please share them with us.

In peace and gratitude,
Coach Carolyn

Chapter Two: Ego: The Current State of Humanity

Hopefully you have had the chance to watch, listen to, or read the transcript of Class Two/Chapter Two of the A New Earth Webclass. In Chapter Two, Eckhart talks about the ego; but Oprah and Eckhart began the webclass with a moment of silence. Silence is something that many of us are not comfortable with. Just stopping and listening to our own breath – this can cause some people to go nuts! We must be wired and attached to something – mobile phones, blackberries, iPods (unless you are listening to A New Earth Podcast).

One of the things that the ego does not align with is silence; because as Eckhart says, it is taking attention away from the thinking mind which feeds the ego. I have said that stopping is a spiritual action – taking the time to just be.

Being aware of your surroundings is also difficult for some of us. How many times have I had to grab someone who was about to get run over by a car because she was so engrossed in her phone conversation or her blackberry messages?

So, if we cannot be still and silent or aware of our present moment, then how do we manage to have engaging relationships? Do we really know who we are relating to? Are we really aware of what we are eating during our lunch breaks? Or do we talk on the phone while shoveling food into our mouths? Especially here in New York, I see this all the time.

What would it be like if we just went out to a park and sat? No mobile or wireless devices, no distractions, just be? I do this at least once a week – my artist date. After having that time with myself, then I can think, analyze or create.

My challenge to you is to set aside some time in the next few days to just be. Go to a park or some other quiet place where you can have no distractions. Just notice your surroundings. Notice the sounds, the smells; take it all in and then let it go. Don’t label it, don’t judge it. Just be with it.

Share with us what the experience was like. Was it difficult to just be? Were you itching to react to the vibrating mobile device in your pocket? Could you turn it and everything else off for the time?

Stay in the moment,
Coach Carolyn

Grace Cards

For those women who have attended any of my groups, know that I begin every session with Cheryl Richardson's Grace Cards. Grace cards are a deck of 50 beautifully illustrated cards with a simple self-care message on each. I use the cards at the start of all of my group sessions as a centering, a prayer, and an ice-breaker. It gets everyone to share and tell a little bit about themselves so that everyone in the room knows them too.

I have shared here and in my groups, that I am going through a transitional period right now. I am facing some definite unknowns and there is a level of fear. I will choose to do the next right thing, and do it afraid. I love the saying, "And this too shall pass." I know that intellectually, but it's still right now, and hasn't passed yet!

Every morning as part of my morning ritual, I pull 3 Grace Cards to see what the Divine has to say to me. Sometimes they are just reminders to stop and take a breath. I can forget this, especially in the throws of transition. The Grace Cards have a way of bringing me back to what is authentic. So, what cards "found" me this morning?

Silence: Be still.
Awaken: Keep your eyes open.
Peace: When we balance silence and activity, we discover true peace of mind -- the source of all joy and happiness.

Of course, I began to cry. So, what's the message?

And this too shall pass -- if you would just be still, staying aware and alert, true peace will come.

And so it is.

Coach Carolyn