Friday's Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“In order to stay awake and be able to create a future that reflects our goals, we need to question the present. We need to question every choice we make and look at the positive or negative consequences of our actions if we are to align our daily actions with our deepest desires.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Right Questions

Author and teacher Byron Katie says that when you question your stressful thoughts, the freedom that comes out of that graces the world for all of us.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking? 

"Who is your most nutritious person of 2011?"

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~ Decouvertes

Clean Out Those Toxic Relationships

“The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs. So relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth... if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them.” ~ Shakti Gawain

Who are you hanging out with? Are you spending most of your time around nutritious people? Or toxic people?

Remember, you are the average of your five closest friends. Think about who those five friends are. Do you find yourself complaining about them more and more as time goes on? When you leave their company do you feel challenged, rejuvenated and encouraged?

Have you stopped to ask yourself about your close relationships? If not, why not?

If you are tolerating toxic people, then it will reflect in your life.

If I gave you a beautiful bottle, I am sure you would take it. If I told you that bottle contains a deadly poison, you would think twice about taking it. Yet, this is exactly what you are doing when you associate with toxic people. You are not only taking the bottle, but you are ingesting the poison!

On the same coin – are you a nutritious friend to someone else? Or, are you someone other people would not want to be around? This goes both ways. Remember, when we point the finger, we have three more pointing right back at ourselves.

Just for today, take a serious inventory of your closest relationships. It may be time to do some spring cleaning.

Coach Carolyn

Are You Being Fearful?

“Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.” ~ Shirley Maclaine

The one insidious thing about fear is that it steals your true identity.

When you are in a state of fear, you do not think, behave or speak as you would when you are not afraid. You become a lesser version of yourself. Your authentic self becomes buried beneath the fear and cowering. This, in turn, has the ripple effect. Your are not your real self to people who would become friends. You show up as the lesser you. So if you are wondering why your relationships are not what they ought, think about how you are “being.”

Are you being fearful?

Because if you are, then you need to know that fear will not allow you to have healthy, long-lasting relationships. Your relationships may last long, but I can bet you they are not healthy and filled with peaceful exchanges. They are not nutritious. Look at your relationships – familial, work, social and otherwise. How would you diagnose them? Healthy or sick?

Remember, you are the common denominator of those relationships; so if they are not healthy, guess what?

"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." ~ Bertrand Russell

Coach Carolyn

Don't let fear steal your identity or ruin your relationships. Join the Transcending Fear Mentoring Program today and take back your identity.

Dealing With Fear and Negative Self Talk

“NOW is the operative word. Everything you put in your way is just a method of putting off the hour when you could actually be doing your dream. You don't need endless time and perfect conditions. Do it now. Do it today. Do it for twenty minutes and watch your heart start beating.” ~ Sam Ewing

Is what you are consistently saying to yourself contributing to your fears? Are you allowing your negative self talk to dictate your life and sabotage your dreams? Are your fears being fueled by the energy of your negative inner chatter? If you have answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, then it is time to re-write your inner script and re-design your life.

Remember when you were a child. You had no worries and no cares. Everything was taken care of for you. You just played happily, knowing that somehow all of your needs would be met. You were also fearless. You could tackle anything. You even had to be taught to avoid the clear and present dangers, like animals that could harm you. So, what happened? Well, you grew up! And in growing up, you were conditioned against what you instinctively knew – that you are fearless! That fear is merely a stepping stone to a new adventure.

In some of our popular children’s stories, Alice was not afraid to go beyond the looking glass; the children of Narnia could not wait to see what adventures were in back of that huge bureau. Children are naturally curious and full of wonder and awe. As we grow up, we have lost that sense of wonderment and awe. We have lost our natural spirit of curiosity, replacing it with the spirit of trepidation. That natural spirit of curiosity is what sparked our passions and helped fueled our dreams, creating the adults we are today. Yet, somewhere along the way, the spark has dulled and dimmed and so has our sense of wonder.

As adults, we seldom, if ever, allow our eyes to widen and our voices to squeak, “Ooooh!” We have stopped asking questions. I remember as a child, I would drive my mother crazy because I would ask a question, then upon hearing the answer would ask, “Why?” I kept this up until my mother, in utter frustration, would very firmly say, “Because I said so!” We have lost this childlike curiosity of asking questions; and have taken up the unfortunate habit of talking to ourselves in the negative.

Daily Practice:
When you hear the negative inner chatter, simple stop, take a breath and ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” Then simply wait for the answer. Don’t force anything. Don’t get impatient or frustrated if you do not receive an immediate answer. Remember, the answers are within you, they have become blocked by the toxicity of daily life. You need to create practices to clear the toxicity away.

“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things,
but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.”
~ Angelique Arnauld, Abbess of Port-Royal

Chapter Five: The Pain-Body ~ Letting Go of Negativity

In Chapter Five of A New Earth, we explore how negative emotions and old memories – if not faced and seen for what they are in the moment – become fuel for the pain-body.

"It may be shocking when you realize for the first time that there is something within you (the pain-body) that periodically seeks emotional negativity, seeks unhappiness. You need even more awareness to see it in yourself than to recognize it in another person" (p. 145).

One of the things I have tried very hard to eliminate from my life is negativity. Negativity is nothing but toxic energy. This toxic energy can come in the form of toxic people, or energy vampires whose only job is to suck and drain the life out of you; or toxic situations. When I find myself in one of these toxic environments, be it with people or circumstances, if I cannot turn the situation around, then I merely excuse myself and remove myself.

If someone offered you a bottle of poison to drink, would you? Yet, you deliberately ingest someone else’s negativity or toxicity. This is the same as ingesting poison. The next time you are in the presence of a toxic person or an energy vampire, remember the bottle of poison analogy, and don’t allow their toxins to enter into your soul.

A negative emotion is any "emotion that is toxic to the body and interferes with its balance and harmonious functioning. Fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy—all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on" (p. 136).

Then, there are those of us who do not need the negative people or situations, because we can be negative all by ourselves. We manufacture our own negative thoughts and continuously feed on them. The bottle of poison is still appropriate here, yet we are self-inflicting the poison. We have very little control of what thoughts enter our heads. But we have definite control of what thoughts remain there.

The next time you notice that you are in the grip of a negative emotion, become still and pay attention to the way your body feels. See if you can locate the negative emotion in your body. Perhaps your heart is beating fast, your jaw is tense or your belly is tight. By being present with your body, you can allow the negative emotion to dissipate instead of reacting to it.

"You will be free to let go of your unhappiness the moment you recognize it as unintelligent. Negativity is not intelligent" (p.112).

This week, pay close attention to negative thoughts, feelings or actions and any background unhappiness, including resentment, discontent, nervousness or being "fed up." Become alert to your negativity and repeat silently: "At this moment, I am creating suffering for myself."

Questions to Ponder:
“Who are the toxic people in my life?”
“Who are the nutritious people in my life?”
“Who do I choose to spend more time with?”

Stay positive on purpose!

Purpose, Attraction and Nutritious People

One of the things I love is networking -- meeting new people of like mind and purpose. And I have found that when I put my attention and intention on meeting people who will be nutritious, I meet nutritious people. I recently had a meeting with people from my Zaadz community. Zaadz, Dutch for seeds, is an online community of consciously inspired people who are social networking with a purpose; a community of seekers and conscious entrepreneurs circulating wisdom and inspiration.

Although I just met Holly and Scott, it was as if we had know one another for years. The conversation was very nutritious and on purpose. Now, why do I bring this up here? Because to be a woman of purpose means having nutritious people in your life; making purposeful connections. In order to create a life of passion and purpose, you must keep your life free of toxins, and that includes toxic people. You know, those energy vampires that just suck the life out of you, draining you of everything you have and giving you nothing in return. Exorcise those people from your life ladies!

Now, if you are married to an energy vampire, or have a family member that has the fangs, it may be difficult to completely cut them out of your life. What I tell my clients who have family members that steal their joy and suck the life out of them is to create balance. You don't have to be around them 24/7. Make sure you have folks in your life that are extremely nurturing, supporting and giving. Being around them will fill your tank with plenty of joy and care, so that when you are around the energy vampires, they won't suck you dry.

I myself live with energy vampires -- others would call them family. I call them relatives. I purposely choose my family. I don't stay around them, I don't allow them to take away my joy. If they truly need something, and I can give it, then I will. But for the most part, I steer clear. I still have the fang marks from past drainings. Sorry, but my neck isn't for sale anymore!

I would love to hear your vampire tales. I have millions! I bet you do too. Share them with the readers and help other women.

Wishing you purposeful and nutritious connections!
Coach Carolyn