What’s Your Fear Story?

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” ~ Mary Manin Morrissey

What is your fear story? Do you even know? This may seem like a strange question, but until it is asked and answered, your life will continue to be a series of starts and stops due to your fears. What is the fear that rears its head when you are about to undertake a new challenge? Whether you are starting a new business, making a sales call, networking in a room full of strangers, speaking in front of a group, or asking someone for help – more often than not, you will make excuses as to why you cannot or will not take the action toward your goals. Your excuses are your rational lies that mask your fears.

As long as you continue to give in to the fear by making excuses, your fear will continue to win out over your dreams. You must let go of the story around your excuses that feed and fuel your fears. So often, we become attached to the fear story and it becomes the only story we know and tell. Your fears are lies; they are illusions; so your fear story is based on lies and illusions. There is no solid, firm foundation to your story. This means that at anytime your foundation can crumble out from under you. Every lie, every illusion soon gets exposed for what it really is.

To release your fear story, you must walk through the fear by doing it afraid and telling yourself a new story. You must begin to tell yourself a story of confidence and the willingness to have more faith in your dreams than in your fears. You must make the decision to surrender your fear story and begin living a new story – a new story of confidence and faith.

Just for today, believe more in the faith of your dreams than in your fears, and soon your fears will disappear.

Visualize Your Fears Away

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." ~ Mary Manin Morrissey

In this brand new year of only 10 days old, I know you are not already letting fear get the best of you. Please do not allow your fear to get bigger than your dream. If fear is creeping up a little too much, then it’s time to have a conversation with this fear of yours. Simply ask it what does it want from you? Remember, fear is not the enemy; it is there to protect you from harm. When you step into new dreams and intentions, your body and mind have never been there before. So, fear comes in to make sure you will remain safe. This is why creative visualization can be so helpful.

Write down your dreams and desires in as much detail as you can. Writing engages both hemispheres of the brain and it is said that writing is the doing part of thinking. Then, visualize this in your mind as if you were watching a movie. Picture the entire scene: what you are wearing, who is there with you, what is being said, and especially how are you feeling. That feeling is the key; live in that feeling. When you are living in your feelings of joy, peace, passion, or the like, fear has no foothold on your dream.

You were gifted with an incredible imagination. You used it when you were a child, then you bought into the belief that you had to grow up and be realistic. So, how’s that working for you? You still have the imagination. Take it out every once and a while and use it. You will be amazed at what you can manifest in your life.

"Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live it?" ~ Caroline Myss

Here's to feeling your dreams!
Coach Carolyn

Always Do Your Best

“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Are you really living life? Or are you operating in default? Are you living your life on autopilot?

Unfortunately, most of us will die with our music still within us. The cemetery is full of unlived dreams and untapped potential. We do not live out our dreams because we have more faith in our fears than in our dreams. We need to step out in faith and do it afraid. Don Miguel’s fourth agreement is “Always Do Your Best.” When you live out your dreams and passions, you will do what comes straight from your heart, and you will do it the best you can. When you live out your passions, you never have to think about whether or not you are doing your best – you just are.

Notice when you are doing something that lights you up, there is no fear present. There is just your passion and your authentic being. Simply do your best and your fears will take a hike!

Coach Carolyn

Conquer Fear with Action

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." ~ Dale Carnegie

Remember, fear can motivate and propels us forward, or fear can paralyze and immobilize us. When we are in a state of paralyzing fear, it will stop us dead in our tracks. Yet, when we step forward in action, our anxiety eases. We begin to pay attention to what’s actually going on instead of being trapped in fearful speculation.

Fear is about looking back at the past and regretting, or looking forward to the future and worrying. Remain in the present moment and fear cannot immobilize, it will merely give us the courage to move forward. And once we have done the thing that we fear, we can do it again and again and again.

Get busy and conquer your fear,
Coach Carolyn

Dealing With Fear and Negative Self Talk

“NOW is the operative word. Everything you put in your way is just a method of putting off the hour when you could actually be doing your dream. You don't need endless time and perfect conditions. Do it now. Do it today. Do it for twenty minutes and watch your heart start beating.” ~ Sam Ewing

Is what you are consistently saying to yourself contributing to your fears? Are you allowing your negative self talk to dictate your life and sabotage your dreams? Are your fears being fueled by the energy of your negative inner chatter? If you have answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, then it is time to re-write your inner script and re-design your life.

Remember when you were a child. You had no worries and no cares. Everything was taken care of for you. You just played happily, knowing that somehow all of your needs would be met. You were also fearless. You could tackle anything. You even had to be taught to avoid the clear and present dangers, like animals that could harm you. So, what happened? Well, you grew up! And in growing up, you were conditioned against what you instinctively knew – that you are fearless! That fear is merely a stepping stone to a new adventure.

In some of our popular children’s stories, Alice was not afraid to go beyond the looking glass; the children of Narnia could not wait to see what adventures were in back of that huge bureau. Children are naturally curious and full of wonder and awe. As we grow up, we have lost that sense of wonderment and awe. We have lost our natural spirit of curiosity, replacing it with the spirit of trepidation. That natural spirit of curiosity is what sparked our passions and helped fueled our dreams, creating the adults we are today. Yet, somewhere along the way, the spark has dulled and dimmed and so has our sense of wonder.

As adults, we seldom, if ever, allow our eyes to widen and our voices to squeak, “Ooooh!” We have stopped asking questions. I remember as a child, I would drive my mother crazy because I would ask a question, then upon hearing the answer would ask, “Why?” I kept this up until my mother, in utter frustration, would very firmly say, “Because I said so!” We have lost this childlike curiosity of asking questions; and have taken up the unfortunate habit of talking to ourselves in the negative.

Daily Practice:
When you hear the negative inner chatter, simple stop, take a breath and ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” Then simply wait for the answer. Don’t force anything. Don’t get impatient or frustrated if you do not receive an immediate answer. Remember, the answers are within you, they have become blocked by the toxicity of daily life. You need to create practices to clear the toxicity away.

“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things,
but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.”
~ Angelique Arnauld, Abbess of Port-Royal

Lessons on Love and Fear

During one of my Artist Dates, I had a lovely epiphany. I want to live more in love than in fear. Brilliant, huh? Well, yeah okay, what I mean is… I want to operate my entire life, including my coaching practice, in the love realm. The more speaking engagements I do, the more workshops I conduct, the more students I teach, the more clients I coach, the same issue always comes up: what blocks your living a life of passion and purpose? FEAR.

In my leadership coaching, I teach leaders how to love those they lead. However, this should not be confined to just those in traditional leadership positions, but to anyone who is in the position to influence someone. Guess what? That’s everyone, including you! When we can focus on loving, I believe there will be no room to focus on what we fear. And as I mentioned before, fears will always be a part of our stories, but they should not be to paralyze us, but to bring us to a new awareness. Fear means that something exciting is about to happen.

So are you wondering how do I teach people how to love? So glad you asked! Four simple words: Love as a verb! We need to wrap our brains around loving as something we make a conscious choice to do. Love is not about how we feel; we need to act our way into the feeling. When we behave lovingly, the feelings will come. Saint Thomas Aquinas, one of the Church Fathers, said: “Love is the effective willing of the good of the other.” Fancy, yes? Simply put, we choose to behave toward the other for their good. We want only the best for the other, acknowledging the other as other.

We can sometimes get in the habit of lumping groups of people together and classifying or labeling them; those people, that group. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, "When you label me, you negate me." (I love the Kierkster, as I affectionately call him) We must see each person as an individually-made expression of the Divine. This is part of our purpose, to recognize that we are uniquely made expressions of the Divine and live that to the fullest. When we live this, fear has no hold on us; we only operate in love.

Lovely epiphany? I think so. I look forward to your epiphanies and your comments on my epiphany. Take yourself on an Artist Date and dream. You never know what the Universe has in store for you.

Live purposely, in love,

Coach Carolyn

The Confident Woman

This past weekend, I conducted a new workshop called The Confident Woman. It was a blessed experience. The women were awesome and the sharing and caring was tremendous. We shared, prayed, laughed, cried, ate, and hugged in a sacred space that made us all feel like family.

One of the stumbling blocks to being confident was fear. I have spoken quite a bit on this blog about fears and how they keep us from living a passionate and purposeful life. Fears block our confidence. Just imagine the things you would try if fears were not limiting you.

A building block to living a confident life is gratitude, again an old friend of this blog. Living in an attitude of gratitude opens the door to abundance giving you the confidence to live a life free of negativity.

I am a firm believer in visuals. Visuals create a picture in the mind that mere words cannot top. One of my dear friends and workshop participants, Kathleen bought me a beautiful perfume bottle for my last birthday. I asked the women if they would love to have this bottle. They all said they would. I then explained that it is filled with poison (not the fragrance). Now would you like to have this bottle? Of course, this time all said no. Yet, I explained, when someone offends, demeans, or insults you, you take that and ingest it – like poison. Realization! Don’t you love it?

To be a confident woman, you must make the conscious choice to not attend every pity party, anger-fest, and offensive gathering that you are invited to. Just say, “Thank you for sharing; I choose not to receive that.” And move on. No need to give further explanation; which only leads to further confrontation.

We were given an awesome power – the power to choose. Yet, sometimes we do not exercise that power wisely. Stopping is a spiritual action. When we are in the midst of a major or even a not so major decision, stop, take a breath, and then choose. And remember, making no choice, is also a choice. Make the choice to live an amazing and confident life.

Live passionately with confidence!
Coach Carolyn

Lessons in Facing Your Fears

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.” ~ Anne Frank

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” ~ Marie Curie

“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears--of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required.” ~ Dave Barry

"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is." ~ German Proverb

"Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it." ~ Lt. John B. Putnam Jr.

Live fearlessly and passionately,
Coach Carolyn

Blocks to Living with Passion: Fears

In the first of the 3-part series on Blocks to Living with Passion, the Becoming a Woman of Purpose Group gathered to discuss Overcoming Fears. It was a lively and very moving discussion. I was very proud of the way the women came together as total strangers to talk about something very personal and sometimes very painful. And they left knowing that they each were the keepers of something very sacred -- one another's inner light.

One of the things that plague us more than anything else is our fears, whether real or imagined. And when our fears grip us, that inner light grows very dim. Fears are perfectly normal and they let us know that we are on to something amazing. However, it is when we allow those fears to control our lives and stop us from accomplishing the things that we need to do, that blocks us from having a passionate and purposeful life.

A fear is an unpleasant feeling of perceived risk or danger, real or not. Fear also can be described as a feeling of extreme dislike to some conditions/objects, such as: fear of darkness, fear of ghosts, etc. It is one of the basic emotions. We all face fears, which is perfectly normal, unless they control our lives. Although fear is an innate response, objects of fear can be learned. Even though fear can diminish freedom of action; fear is also a signal that there is something for me to learn.

The women spoke of things that did plague them that they probably were not aware of as fear. One of the women shared her definition of fear as: False Evidence Appearing Real. This definition really resonated with some of the women. As a student of the 12-Step Movement, I had heard this many times and sort of dismissed it. But seeing how it moved these women, gave it a new light for me.

Having gone through several tragic and traumatic experiences in my life, I have not really shone light on my fears. When there is something that I need to accomplish and I have fear, I simply do it afraid. The fear isn't going away unless I face it. This isn't to say that this is easy; but it gets easier when you learn to take the actions and let go of the results. I cannot control what will happen once I take the actions, but I can control the actions I choose to take.

I choose to have access to all of my life. When we allow fear to rule, we lose parts of our own lives; not having access to certain parts of life. I refuse to allow anything or anyone to limit me in this way.

One of my fears is speaking in public. And what do I do for a living? I speak in public. Now, I am not masochistic in any way. But I have been given the gift of delivering a very special message to women. And no matter how afraid I am of that task, it is the task I have been given. And I will make the choice to do my part and leave the rest to my Divine Assigner.

Our next discussion will be Overcoming Limiting Beliefs. Will keep you posted.

Wishing you a fearless and passionate life,

Coach Carolyn

Blocks to Living with Passion

In August at the Becoming a Woman of Purpose Meetup, I will be facilitating a 3-part discussion series called Blocks to Living with Passion. They will take place on three consecutive Saturday afternoons and we will discuss three things that hinder living a life of passion and purpose.

The first of the series is Overcoming Our Fears. Fears can grip us and keep us from living a life of passion. We will discuss several types of fears, including fear of failure and fears from the past.

The second of the series will be Overcoming Limiting Beliefs. Limiting beliefs are beliefs that hold you back, keeping you from living the life you are meant to live -- a life of passion. Examples of limiting beliefs are, "I'm not smart enough," "I don't have enough money," "Nothing ever works out for me." These thoughts become beliefs over time and hinder us from achieving success in business and in life.

The third of the series will be Overcoming Negativity. Negativity comes in many shapes and forms, including negative self talk and negative thinking. Negative thinking and negative talk creates a negative life. You know people who are always negative -- do you want to be around them? Then, ask the same question about your own negative behaviors.

In my coaching and counseling practice, nothing comes up more than these three issues. They are issues that remain with us, hindering our achievements in business and in life. Until we acknowledge them, assess them and address them, we will remain slaves to them; not moving forward in life and living a life devoid of passion and purpose.

These issues are part of the Life Purpose Building Blocks to Success that every young woman should receive when she reaches puberty. We will all have to deal with fears, negativity and limiting beliefs at some point in our journeys, yet knowing how to detect when they are crippling your life and then knowing how to detonate these time bombs will give you the power to create a life of peace, passion, purpose and prosperity.

Check out our Meetup calendar for more details of this important discussion series.

Live life with passion,

Coach Carolyn