16 July 2007

On Purpose Dating

I recently had an interesting conversation with a young man frustrated by his efforts to meet and date women. His approach was with the end in mind; which in some respects would be fine. However, there was no beginning. He was in for the kill and forget about the formalities. Now, I know that we live in a drive-thru, fast-food, want-it-yesterday society. I am not oblivious to this fact. Yet, when it comes to dating, I think we should take things just a little bit slower.

This young man, who is trying to arrange a date online, wondered why the woman in question was not forthcoming about her phone number. I said to him that women just don't arbitrarily give out their phone numbers to strangers, especially online. The guy could be a weirdo. Or worse, not a guy at all! But, like, some geek from another galaxy who has never even heard of an iPod. Perish the thought! I date a guy who doesn't even own a cell phone. But that's another story!

Anyway, I tried to explain about establishing a "e-relationship" first where he shows an interest in the woman and can get to know one another, as far as possible, online. Somehow, he couldn't, or wouldn't hear this. Yet, he was digging my advice. He asked if I was a marriage counselor. I said close, a grief counselor! It's all a matter of perspective!

So, ladies! My on purpose question to you is: Would you give this guy your phone number, online; and under what circumstances?

Let me know what you think about this issue. Online dating is very popular; and there are as many horror stories as there are success stories. It's all about what you bring to the party. Are you being authentic? What are you really looking for in a relationship? Are you willing to give back the same?

Hit the comment button and let me know what you think. By the way, this conversation leaks into the Meetup discussions. Well because it's a part of our whole self.

Keep on keeping on purpose!

Coach Carolyn


Cocoalatte said...

I have not actually gone on a date with someone I've met online but have chatted with a few. I find that men are always in a hurry to get your number but I feel that a couple of chats doesn't mean I'm going to give out my number. I may give it out after several chats and even then I'm giving out my cell phone number.

Carolyn D. Townes, SFO said...

Hi cocoalatte,

Thanks for your comment. I agree about several chats. And then, it is very important to read what is said and what is NOT being said.

Robyn McMaster said...

Carolyn, I like how you share your wisdom through a case study and then ask for readers to analyze and give you their ideas. Nice way to establish a relationship rather than top down moral edicts...

Carolyn D. Townes, SFO said...

Thank you, Robyn! I am a big believer in learning through conversations and storytelling. It's the best way to find out about people and to build relationships. I love doing both! Thanks again for your comment. Carolyn