Coach Carolyn's blogazine of tips, tools, techniques for women who want to live life with more passion, more purpose, and more peace. Discover your purpose to ignite your passion to create inner peace...
"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
If you are constantly mistreated by others, then take a look at how you are treating yourself.
You teach others how to treat you! Someone right from the start can tell if you are going to be a pushover, a doormat or a divine soul; and they will treat you accordingly. When you do not treat yourself with loving kindness, then don’t expect others to. Other people’s mistreatment of you is simply a reflection of your own self-resentment and self-hatred.
Teacher and author Bob Proctor says to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and give yourself a big kiss and say, “I love you!”
Now honestly, how many of you can do that?
"If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away." ~ John Steinbeck
"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?" ~ Rob Bremer
I have decided to make this week, Love Yourself Week!
I have been counseling, coaching and companioning with women on the journey of pain, grief and loss for several years, and it amazes me how many of them do not love themselves.
If you do not love yourself, how will anyone else?
If someone you loved has left you, stop pointing the finger of blame and look at who the other three fingers are pointing to.
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
It is said that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?
“Where in your life are you NOT living mindfully?”
“What can you do to live more mindfully?”
“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz
I wish all of my U.S. readers a Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving Day!
I wish all of my readers a continuous attitude of gratitude.
We must not wait until special occasions or holidays to truly appreciate everyone and everything in life. The tendency to wait until it is too late must be the exception and not the norm.
I blog because I love to impart knowledge and empower people with the simplest ways to take that knowledge and make their lives better and brighter. Without you, there would be no need. I am grateful to all of you who keep me doing what I absolutely love to do.
Remember that every moment is a gift and you have the power to choose how you will use that gift. Choose wisely!
How many times do you work on a task while thinking of a million other things you need to do? Or, you multi-task – you perform two or three tasks at the same time? In our world of multi-tasking and unconscious focus, it has become fashionable to multi-task. But just as you can have only one conscious thought at a time, you can only give 100% focus and attention to one task at a time. So if you are talking on the phone, checking your emails, watching the children and cooking a meal all at the same time, you have diluted and dispersed your focus and attention and no one of those tasks have your full undivided attention. The results of these tasks will be diluted as well.
Buddhist monk, author and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says when you do the dishes, only do the dishes. This means to be fully mindful of the dish you are washing, not thinking of the ten other things you need to do.
Now, I get that in this day and age you feel you don’t have enough time and must multi-task in order to get everything done. Well, here is a solution. If you must multi-task, focus on one full attention task and one or two lesser attention tasks. A lesser attention task is a task that does not need your full attention in order to get accomplished; like doing the laundry. After loading the washing machine, the machine does the work and you don’t have to focus on it. Lesser attention tasks can run in the background and does not require your full attention to get done. Doing one full attention task and one or two lesser attention tasks will greatly reduce your stress levels and allow you to get more done more effectively.
Think about this: Would you want your doctor thinking about other things while operating on you?
So, just for today, let go of the stress of multi-tasking. Live mindfully!
Touching the stillness means taking a sacred pause to access the sacred presence. Our lives have become full of busy work and methods to distract us from touching what is too painful and too raw. When we can stop and come back to presence, we begin to access that part of ourselves that we have lost touch with.
In the daily busyness, we lose ourselves in the process. Our authentic selves get covered over with those things only designed to distract and disconnect us from our truth. in order to avoid touching what feels like too much, we medicate through addictive behaviors – food, drugs, alcohol, sex, people pleasing, shopping, and work, just to name a few.
When we can take a mental time out to stop and be fully in this present moment, then we can though that part of us designed to help us through the pain and the hurt. Our tendency is to avoid altogether and not even think about it. But what gets buried alive never dies; it only returns in later days in uglier ways.
Learning to take time to pause and be present on a consistent basis armors you for those moments when you feel like escaping the pain. You don’t have to escape into a world of addictions and crutches; you can access your own sacredness and stillness by pausing and being fully present.
So, just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and just BE!
"We must be conscious of each breath, each moment, every thought and feeling, everything which has any relation to ourselves." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Too many of you are living your lives in wishful thinking mode. You wish your life was better, grander, brighter, more prosperous and abundant. You so longingly look to a future that is not yours that you miss the present that is right before your eyes. Instead of living in a place of wishful thinking, make a practice of being grateful for what you have in the present.
This precious present is a gift and it continues to unfold before you. It becomes the gift that keeps on giving. Yet, you are more in the past or future than you are in the right here and right now; and you miss the opportunities that lie right before you. The only moment you have is the present and that is the only moment you have any control over. You can make conscious choices in this moment that can determine what kind of future you will ultimately have.
You must be grateful for where you are right now, for what you have right now, and for who you are right now. You have been brought to this moment in time to receive and to deliver a message. This is your soul’s journey. You are not in this physical body just to squander your life away. You have incarnated on purpose to fulfill your purpose – to give and receive love, in whatever form that may take.
Instead of wishing that you were someone else, somewhere else and had something else, take a look at who you are right now, where you are right now, and what you have right now and give thanks for it. It is your one and only precious present.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
It is said that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?
“What would your life be like if you knew you could not fail?”
“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz
"The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything - and it works." ~ William Strong
Two New York Westchester County 13-year-old boys had an idea. They would sell baked goods in a neighborhood park on the weekends and in a few years earn enough money to open a restaurant. Great idea, right? The boys, Andrew DeMarchis and Kevin Graff, who are students at Chappaqua’s Seven Bridges Middle School, set up shop and made $120 on their first day.
Being the innovative entrepreneurs they are, the boys took half of their earnings and invested in a cart and water and Gatorade to add to their offerings. On their second day, the police arrived to shut them down. Their offense? Operating without a license. A town councilman named Michael Wolfensohn came upon the sale and called the cops on the boys for operating without a license.
What was a frightening experience for those two boys and an outrage to the parents is a lesson in failure for all of us. Did those boys fail? No, and why? Although their plan was flawed – they neglected to check about permits and licenses – they did not fail. They had faith in their plan and in their dreams.
If you are 13 years old and your dreams get the attention of a town councilman, then you know you are on to something big!
To Andrew and Kevin – never stop believing in the power of your dreams. Keep the faith and in ten years or so, I want to stop by your restaurant and say well done!
"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. " ~ Mary Manin Morrissey
So often, we get fear and failure mixed up. When we give into the fear, we freeze and then we label ourselves a failure. But you are not a failure until you determine yourself to be one.
Remember, when you begin a brand new task or assignment, there is bound to be some fear because you are embarking in unfamiliar territory. This does not make you a failure, this just makes you human. It is natural to feel the fear; that is why you have a fear mechanism – to protect you from the unfamiliar.
When you are moving into unfamiliar territory, first know that your fear will rise up to alert you. Then, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:
“Am I doing this because I really want to?”
“How will doing this get me closer to my heart’s desire?”
“What is the worse that could happen?”
Then, take a few more deep breaths, and go for it! Have faith that when you leap, the net will appear!
"If you must begin then go all the way, because if you begin and quit, the unfinished business you have left behind begins to haunt you all the time." ~ Chögyam Trungpa
A prosperous mindset is about looking at what others call obstacles and seeing opportunities. Only you can deem yourself a failure. There is no failure, only feedback.
What would have happened if Thomas Edison considered himself a failure and quit? We would probably be sitting in dark rooms, or rooms lit by candlelight still. Who knows? The point being, Edison never gave up. It was his divine mission to create a new way to light a room. He was passionate about it, so failure was never an option. When interviewed, Edison said he didn’t fail, he found 10,000 ways that won’t work. It was this kind of mindset, a prosperity mindset, that made Edison the pioneer he was created to be.
STOP, TAKE A BREATH and ASK:
What kind of mindset do you have? A prosperity mindset or are you into scarcity thinking?
How do you deal with failure? Do you see it as failure and want to quit? Or, do you see it as feedback and press on until you achieve your goal?
It’s all about mindset. As Henry Ford said, if you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right!
Just for today, think about how you think about failure. Try turning it around and you will soon find that failure will work for you and become welcomed feedback.
EDISON FAILED 10,000 TIMES BEFORE PERFECTING THE INCANDESCENT ELECTRIC LIGHTBULB.
DON’T WORRY IF YOU FAIL ONCE.
Arguably America’s greatest inventor, Thomas Edison had an extraordinarily positive perception of life that greatly enhanced his ability as an inventory. When others might have been hopelessly discouraged after failing thousands of times in an attempt to develop an electric light, the great Edison simply viewed each unsuccessful experiment as the elimination of a solution that wouldn’t work, thereby moving him that much closer to a successful solution. We could all take a lesson from Edison.
Stories abound about inventors who quit trying and gave up too soon or miners who struck gold just a few feet beyond where someone else quit digging. There are few obstacles in life that will not succumb to consistent, sustained, intelligent, positive action. When you are discouraged after you’ve failed at something, remember Edison’s 10,000 failures before he arrived at the solution that forever changed the world.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
It is said that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?
As I am walking through an extremely difficult issue right now, I am doing a lot of self-care. The first three steps of my self-care plan is to STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:
“What is this issue triggering in me?”
“What am I going to do about that trigger?”
“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz
No matter what happens in your life, in your external circumstances, you always have the power to choose how you respond in those circumstances. Many times, we feel we are a victim of our circumstances because we had no say or control in creating them. And yes, that may be the case, but you do have a say in how you think and behave in those circumstances. You can see those situations as increasing life or decreasing life; and whatever you think, you are right!
Your external circumstances have no inherent meaning, they just are. Those events that happen in your life have no meaning until you assign it one. It is when you judge the event then assign it a label of positive or negative that you will have corresponding feelings about it. From those feelings, you will then take action that will result in the outcome you see in your life.
Remember, life does not happen to you; it happens for you, so see each and every event as a gift for your growth and well being.
My favorite book exhorts us to ask for what we want and it will be given us. Although this may seem simple enough, we really don’t ask for what we want? Why is that? I will share three reasons why I believe we don’t ask:
1. We don’t ask because we don’t know what to ask for. More often than not, we don’t know what it is that we want to be, to do or to have. We know what we do not want – which is more of the same of what we already have. The best remedy is to start with what you do not want and flip it around. What is the exact opposite? If it’s debt that you don’t want; then you want financial freedom.
2. We don’t ask because we fear being rejected or disappointed. We remember the pain of rejection and disappointment far too well, so we tend to steer clear of asking for what we truly want. One way to combat this is to stop asking those who cannot grant it. There is a wonderful slogan in the recovery movement: “Stop going to the hardware store looking for oranges!” If you know there is someone in your life that is emotionally detached or cold, then don’t go to that person looking for hugs and kisses! You are only setting yourself up for disappointment and rejection.
3. We don’t ask because we don’t believe we deserve it or are worthy of having it. This is a faulty belief a lot of people have bought into because it has been programmed in their minds as children. As a child, you were a victim of your circumstances. As an adult, you have choices. You can choose to question those beliefs that keep you stuck and prevent you from having what you truly desire. If you do not question, then you risk remaining stuck and living a very small life that is someone else’s story.
Begin by asking yourself. This is safe and there is no chance of rejection. When you ask a question, rather than simply making a statement, the mind immediately goes to work to retrieve an answer for you. Your own marvelous mind will bring into your awareness the people, the resources or the circumstances to grant your request. Because your mind knows better than you do consciously, you can literally ask and it will be given.
“Many tell us that they are so busy making their money that they do not have time to enjoy it . . . for when you rely on your action to create, often you are too tired to enjoy your creation. Once you not only understand the power of your thought, but you deliberately direct this powerful tool in the direction of things that you desire, then you will discover that the action part of your life is the way you enjoy what you have created through your thought.” ~ Abraham
This is an important point in the work of manifestation. We are divine creators, I have said this many, many times before. What we choose to create is the true question. If we are working towards creating our heart’s desire, then it comes with the time to enjoy that creation. But, if we are working to just make money, then we are not divinely creating our heart’s desire.
As T. Harv Eker says, the only people who make money work at the Mint! You don’t work to make money; you work to create value for others and a prosperous life for yourself.
If you are not enjoying your life, then you are simply working for money. STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:
“What is it that I truly desire?”
Then set about the task of manifesting that desire. Believe me, the money will come.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
It is said that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So, what questions are you asking?
“Are you taking care of all the areas of your life: Spiritual, Emotional, Business/Career, Money/Finances, Social/Relationships, Family, Health/Well Being, Intellectual, or Leisure/Recreation?”
“You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether she is wise by her questions.” ~ attributed to Naguib Mahfouz
What is it you truly desire? What do you want to be, to do, and to have that would make your heart sing? As you move to create your heart’s desire, these are the basic questions to build your new life with. You may say you have no idea what you truly want to be, or do or to have. I am here to tell you that you do know – you have merely forgotten. The answers lie deep within and you need to access those answers.
See, when you incarnated into this physical realm in your human form, you also came embedded with your desire deep within your heart. As children, you lived in that desire; that is what fueled your day and your play. Your imagination was rich with stories and fantasies charged with the power of your heart’s desire. Then, you reached the age when you had to conform. You were told to be realistic, be practical, and get your head out of the clouds and to plant your feet firmly on the ground. All imagination, play and stories ceased to fuel your fancies.
You were conditioned to conform and give up your lovely stories; though they never left you. You still have access to your magnificent imagination – but you must consciously choose to activate it. Your heart’s desire that used to motivate you at play lies buried within your heart still. Again, you must choose to re-member it. You and your heart’s desire used to be one, have now become dis-membered. In order to create the life you truly desire, to mind a new story, you must re-member your heart’s desire. When you re-member, you can begin to write your new script from that place. As your heart’s desire fueled your play as a child, I must now power your new story to create the reality you wish to see.
In order to live your heart's desire, set aside some quiet time – STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:
“What is my heart’s desire?”
“What is it that I truly wish to be, to do, and to have?”
Our lives are always intertwined with other lives. First, our biological family, then our extended family. As we continue to grow and mature, we connect with school mates, teachers, other authority figures, workmates, our chosen life partners, the family we create and media figures. We become influenced by some or all of these people, as we ourselves influence some or all of them as well. In any case, it is said that the average person will influence about 10’000 in a lifetime. It is important that you learn to influence consciously.
Think about this: Your telephone rings and your young child answers it. He tells you who it is. You, not wanting to talk with this person, tell the child to tell the caller you are asleep or in the shower or some other lie. The child repeats your lie to the caller and hangs up. You have just influenced your child in the fine art of lying! Is this the kind of inspiration you want to be for your child? Or for anyone else in your life? Being dishonest, untrustworthy, and manipulative does not bid well as attributes of inspiration.
As you consciously and mindfully create your new life story, you must also think about the other supporting characters in your story. How are you relating to them? How are they relating to you? Are you an inspiration to them and are they an inspiration to you? In our current stories, we mindlessly allow people to move into our lives and influence us; and the influence generally negative in nature. We tolerate it as we complain and sulk about it to others who are doing more or less the same. Then as our lives are spiraling out of control, we point the finger and blame those negative influencers, when it was our choice to tolerate it in the first place.
Once you consciously create a new story, you can eliminate the naysayers and the toxic influencers. See yourself surrounded only by nutritious people who will nurture, support and inspire you – as you will for them. It is your choice who you allow in your inner sphere. Granted, we cannot control everyone who crosses our path, but we can control the quality of the relationships. You do not have to accept every invitation to anger, gossip or slander. You have choice. It would do you well to exercise that choice when it comes to who is influencing you. The late motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said you are the average of your five closest friends. If your five closest friends only get together to gossip and complain, then guess who and what you are?
Make the choice to consciously choose who you spend your quality time with and the nature of that time. It should be to encourage each other, support one another and exchange great thoughts and ideas. Become a conscious inspiration to everyone you meet and your life story will be one of brilliance and light!
Do you know that which you choose to think about on a consistent basis is what you create in your reality? When you focus your attention on something over and over, no matter what it is, you create more of it in your life. of you are focusing on the bills and your credit card debt, you will manifest more debt in your life. If you focus on your fear of not being or having enough, then sure enough, you will have more experiences of that fear.
Everything in this world is created twice – first in the mind, then in reality. Look around the room you are in right now. What do you see? Tables, chairs, desk, other furniture, and windows – everything first began as a thought in someone’s mind. They thought about it long enough until it became a reality. You have that power as well.
So, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK: “What would I like to see in my life?” If the answer is no more debt, then turn it around for financial freedom. If the answer is not having this cranky boss or co-worker, then turn it around for a peaceful and harmonious work environment. Get the picture? Choose to focus on the positive things that you do want in your life.
Not only will this make you feel better, but it will lift your vibration and your subconscious mind responds to your feelings and your vibrations. You will become a manifestation machine, manifesting only the things you truly want to be, to do and to have in your life.
Enjoy this video of a photo shoot with author and teacher Marianne Williamson as she speaks about the power of creating a life of love instead of fear. Enjoy!
The wise mystic writer wrote, “Without a vision, the people will perish.” This is profound wisdom! Unless you have a vision for your life, your business, and all areas of your life, you will perish and you will not prosper. More often than not, most of us seem to meander through our lives; taking the route pre-set for us, not the one deliberately set by us. You must live your own life which means you must have a map of what you want your life to look like.
Without a clear vision for your life, where will you end up? How do you know which road to take? Remember the scene in Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland?
Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don’t know," Alice answered.
"Then,” said the cat, "it doesn’t matter."
If you don’t know where you are going, then any road will take you there.
Having a clear vision not only charts a course for your life, but it also helps to eliminate what is not necessary; it helps you to stay on the highway so you can avoid all of the annoying little side streets. And though side streets do have their charm, they must be deliberately grafted into your bigger vision – lest you veer off your chosen course.
