Mermaid or Whale?

“Fitness to me isn't about a crunch or a push-up. It's about taking your power back.” ~ Jillian Michaels

Recently, in a large city in France, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posted by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends…dolphins, sea lions, curious humans. They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world. Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to an identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them ... where is IT? Therefore, they don't have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.

*****

Remember Ariel, the Little Mermaid? 'Nuff said!

Coach Carolyn

Victim? You Choose!

"We focus on the negatives, losing ourselves in the ‘problem.’ We point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized." ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 

 

 No one can make us a victim unless we sign up for it. There are no victims, only volunteers. Our thoughts and our feelings are within our control. We may not have control over our circumstances; that is why they are none of our business. What is our business is what we do have control over. 

Author and teacher Byron Katie says there are three kinds of business: our business, other people's business and God's business. Part of our struggle is confusing whose business is whose. It is time to stop confusing our business with other people's business and God's business. The moment we stick to working on our own business, the struggle will cease and we will no longer subject ourselves to being victims. 

It does take more effort to mind your own business, but once you get the hang of it, it is a cinch!

Coach Carolyn

You Create Your Own Reality

"You are the creator of your own reality."

"You were born with an innate knowledge that you do create your own reality. And, in fact, that knowledge is so basic within you that when someone attempts to thwart your own creation, you feel an immediate discord within yourself." ~ Abraham-Hicks

The words that you speaks and the thoughts that you think create the feelings that you feel. It is your dominant feelings that attract to you what you are experiencing.

You know when you are feeling those unsettling emotions, like fear, anger, frustration and rage. You also know that you are attracting more fear, anger, frustration and rage into your reality. 

Choose a new thought. Feel a different feeling.

Coach Carolyn

How Are You Feeling?

This week we looked at the thoughts that drive your emotions. You know, it is your own thoughts that drive your emotions, not the outside circumstances. Those outside events that happen, they do not cause you to feel a certain way; it is the way you interpret those events that cause you to feel what you feel. If you deem something as being very bad, you will feel bad about it. If you deem something as being unfair, then this will make you feel angry.

But what if… you do not attach any meaning to those outside events that happen in your world? Just, what if? Yes, we are meaning-making machines and we have to assign meaning to everything that happens in our external world. Yet, what if we simply chose not to? What if we said, “Oh, that thing happened; isn’t that interesting?” Then simply, let it go. Hard to fathom? I know.

Yet, this is the cause of all your suffering. You assign meaning to things that have  no meaning and have nothing to do with you. Even if it has your name all over it, it has nothing to do with you – unless you let it. You get fired? It’s not about you. You get dumped by the guy? It’s not about you. Stop making everything about you. I am sorry to tell you this but you are not the center of anyone’s universe except your own! Not everything is about you. Stop allowing it to be.

“As for worrying about what other people might think – forget it. They aren't concerned about you. They're too busy worrying about what you and other people think of them.” ~ Michael le Boeuf 

Make it a blessed weekend!

Coach Carolyn

What’s Your Priority?

What are you making a priority in your life? Is it depression? Is it happiness? Is it the job that makes you depressed? Is it the toxic friends you can’t seem to do without?

If you want to be happy, make being happy a priority. Oh, I don’t mean standing in front of the mirror every morning declaring yourself to be happy – it takes a bit more than that. If you really want to feel a different way, only you can make that happen.

STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK: “Why am I not happy?” “What will make me happy?” “What do I need to do to make that happen?” Then take one action step to make it so. If you do not make being happy, joyful, peaceful, and exuberant a priority, then it won’t be.

My priority is to be peaceful. I need and want peace in all areas of my life. To make that happen, I had to make the decision that I would create peace in all areas of my life. This was not easy. I had a job and I was miserable. I had to leave the job if I truly wanted peace. I lived with my family who were toxic, violent and unhealthy. I had to divorce myself from the family if I wanted peace. Now, most people will not make these kinds of sacrifices; but I wanted peace. I had to make peace a priority and so I had to make the sacrifices. Do not ask for something you are not willing to work to make happen.

If you are not willing to leave the job that makes you miserable, then shut up about it. It is your choice to stay in that job. If you are miserable in your job, chances are you are not where your heart has led you; therefore, you will never be happy in that job. Ask yourself why you stay in a job that does not light you up? Money! Right! I know that one....

Make YOU a priority, because no one else will!

Coach Carolyn

Are You Still Making Excuses?

“Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.” ~ Don Wilder and Bill Rechin

One of my favorite axioms is excuses are exits. When you make an excuse, you literally exit yourself off the highway of happiness and success. Excuses are simply rational lies. They will get you nowhere very fast.

Excuses are another way to give away our power. We know we need or do something; yet we look at our external circumstances and based on what’s going on, we think about it in a negative light, then we come up with an excuse not to do it. And nine out of ten times it is because we don’t feeeeeel like doing it. Whine, whine, whine! Give me some cheese with that whine!

I can’t tell you how many excuses I have heard over the years – from students, potential clients, and wanna-be clients. Oh yes, everyone wants to work with you, but… then here comes the excuse. Your life will always remain as murky and dark while it is filled with excuses; because excuses only darken your path. There is nowhere to go after the excuses – the conversation is ended.

Now, if there is a legitimate reason… well, that’s different!

“The only person who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.” ~ Jules Renard

So, what's your excuse?

Coach Carolyn

Who Are You Blaming?

As I stated in yesterday’s post, it is easy to point the finger at someone or something else when we are feeling bad. For many years, when I was feeling depressed or anxious, I would blame my mother, my sibling, the moon, you name it. Doing this, I did not have to take responsibility. But this also meant, I forfeited my power to the person or thing I deemed responsible. This meant that I also had no power to change the way I felt.

I rarely, if ever, owned my feelings, therefore, my behavior that resulted from those feelings. It was so-and-so who made me do it. Growing up in my house, the devil was the likely perpetrator to blame things on. It was convenient and bore all the responsibility. I was completely off the hook. Yet, I still felt bad, sad, mad, or glad. The devil couldn’t do anything about lifting my negative moods, or changing my behavior. And, the devil managed to not get the punishments – I received those.

Until you take full and complete responsibility for your own emotions and behaviors, you will always be the victim, powerless and not in control of your own life. As the great First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt once so wisely stated, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So whether you think you are the victim of someone else’s bad behavior, you are still allowing it. Take back your power and you will find you can also control your emotions. 

No, the devil did not make you do it!

Coach Carolyn

Your Thoughts Drive Your Emotions

This week, we will look at how your thoughts are driving your emotions. You may think that whatever is going on around you in your external world is what is causing you sadness, happiness, fear, loneliness, anxiety or anger. Wrong! What you are feeling has nothing to do with what is going on outside of you. What you are feeling is caused by what is going on inside of you. Surprised? I thought you might be. Because when we can point to come outside stimulus for our feelings, then we give ourselves permission to be victims and to blame someone or something else for our unsettling feelings and bad behavior.

It is easier to say, “She made me feel this way,” or “He made me feel that way,” than it is to say, “I am feeling this way because I choose to feel this way.” Say that one aloud and see how it fits. I dare say, quite an uncomfortable fit. As adults, no one has the power to make us feel or behave a certain way, unless we give away our power to someone outside of us. Digest that one for awhile and I will be back tomorrow….

Are you digesting?

Coach Carolyn

Friday’s Purposeful Question

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

"What is the essence of my story?"

Mind Your Own Story!

Coach Carolyn

Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen

The Fifth Agreement: Be Skeptical, But Learn To Listen.

"Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind words, and you will understand the real message." ~ Don Miguel & Don Jose Ruiz

There is a tiny yet powerful word in the middle of BELIEVE. Yes, it is LIE! Not the malicious, on purpose lie you might know and be familiar with (hmmm); but the kind of lie that is truth for you but not for someone else. My truth may not be your truth.

You were conditioned as children to believe what the elders told you. Well, who told the elders? Their elders! And if the beginning elder has incorrect information, then guess what got passed down? You guessed it – incorrect information. Remember, playing telephone as children? The first child would whisper a message in the ear of the next child and so on down the line. When the last child repeated the message, it was so different from the original message.

The second part of Don Miguel’s fifth agreement is crucial in building excellent communications skills – learn to listen. This is where so many people fall down. Listening is an art and a skill and one not readily taught to the masses. Most of the time, people just don’t listen. Instead, they are rehearsing their rebuttals, eagerly awaiting their turn to speak. When you actively listen to someone, you come away drained, but listening is an action.

I have been told that I am a good listener. I have honed this skill. I want to hear what someone has to say. That is not to say that I sit and listen to gossip and slander or toxic negativity. No, no, that is not being helpful in any way. I listen to help another. I listen as a coach, as a counselor and as a facilitator. I listen for the other person’s truth, though it may not be my truth; and I listen without judgment or criticism.

Just for today, STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:
“Am I listening to fix or judge, or am I listening to learn?”

Coach Carolyn

Stop Suffering...Choose Peace

"People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free and we don't suffer anymore." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I love the slogan: “Pain is inevitable; but suffering is optional.”

When I first heard this about ten years ago, I ceased and desist with the suffering. I realized that I did not have to suffer – I chose to suffer. Yes, crap still goes on all around you. But how do you choose to view the crap? If you view crap as crap, then your life will be full of crap. But if you view crap as fertilizer, then your life will flourish. Get the picture?

Remember, you have the power to create your reality; to write your own story. If you don’t like the life you are living, then do something about it. Once we recognize this power within, then we can be at peace. There is no peace until we let go of the suffering.

Are you ready to mind your own story, create your new life and let go of the suffering?

Then, just do it!

Coach Carolyn

Decide Where You Are Going

"All you have to do is know where you're going. The answers will come to you of their own accord." ~ Earl Nightingale

One of the things that stop us dead in our tracks is fear. Now, fear comes as a precaution to keep you safe and comfortable. When you are planning something completely out of your comfort zone, then fear will rise up to protect you. This is normal. But what you want to then do is take the leap and do the uncomfortable. If you allow your fears to paralyze you, then fear has conquered you instead of you conquering your fear.

One of the reasons fear creeps up is because we do not take the time to decide what it is we truly want to be, and to do, and to have. As the late Earl Nightingale says all we need to do is to know where we are going. Once we have the map, then the directions will become clear.

STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:
What do I want to be and to do and to have?

Once you receive the answers, then make the decision to take the actions necessary to make it a reality. Don’t worry about how it’s going to happen, or how you are going to pay for it, or how it will all work out. The “how” is none of your business. Once you make the decision, the how will be taken care of.

Just for today, decide to face your fear and live your true life.
Coach Carolyn

Radiate on Purpose

“We radiate that which we are, vibrationally, and others of like intent assemble.” ~ Abraham – Hicks

I am re-reading the Esther and Jerry Hicks classic, Ask and It Is Given. I received this book two years ago as a gift and have picked it up and read several times. As I am re-reading it, it is like reading it for the first time. I love that about timeless books that teach spiritual truths. You never get done with those kinds of books. It also shows that you are still teachable, if you are open to learning.

The above quote caught my attention right away. Of course, I know this and have heard this many times. But this reading of it was different. My choice of lifestyle is peaceful and relaxed. Growing up in anger and violence, I have always craved peace. Today, I seek peace by being peace; and it has paid off for me. I radiate peace and clients seek me out because of my peaceful presence. I have even received several comments about my peaceful emails! How cool is that?

Be what you want to see in your reality. If you want peace, then be peace. If you want joy, then be joyful. Get the point? Gandhi said it best: we must be the change we wish to see in the world. You have been around someone and thought to yourself that person had a bad vibe. Well? They were radiating negativity, and you picked up on it. So, what are you vibrating that others can pick up on?

Ever checked your caller ID on a ringing phone and just did not want to talk to that person for whatever reason? We have all been there. But look at it this way: what if you were the one on the caller ID that the other person did not want to talk to? Ever thought about that? Probably not, because it’s always about the other person’s drama; but if you can spot the drama, that’s because you have had your own.

STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and ASK:

“What feelings am I vibrating right now?”

“What am I attracting into my life right now?”

Start getting more conscious about how you live life.

Just for today, radiate magic!
Coach Carolyn

Your Dose of Vitamin C - Be Cool

The final dose of Vitamin C is “Be Cool.”

I love this Vitamin C! It says don’t sweat the small stuff and learn to pick your battles. Not everything is worth the fight. Sometimes it pays to just sit back and do nothing. The Spirit will prompt you when you are to stand for the cause. Until then, just be cool.

Would you rather be right or happy? I would rather be cool! Reminds me of that dance scene in the movie “West Side Story.”For you youngsters ... check it out! You can even snap your fingers and do the bop!

Your daily affirmation: “Today, I choose to be cool!”

Just for today and everyday, be cool!

Coach Carolyn

Your Dose of Vitamin C - Be Creative

Today’s dose of Vitamin C is “Be Creative.”

When you are being creative, you are literally being who you were created to be. We are created, yet we are also creators. Most times we don’t step into that divine role because we don’t believe we have the right. No one has more right. We are children of the Master Creator; that makes us creators as well. As Ms. Marianne so aptly stated, you playing small serves no one.

“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Your daily affirmation: “Today, I choose to be creative!”

Just for today, be creative!
Coach Carolyn

Your Dose of Vitamin C - Be Caring

Today’s dose of Vitamin C is “Be Caring.”

Caring means feeling and showing concern for another person. When you care you literally step into the shoes of another human being. I love that because when you are walking in their shoes, you can’t step on their toes! This is true empathy; this is what the Apostle Paul called “lovingkindness.”

When you are being caring to another, you are very present to them and to yourself. Therefore, there is no fear, no doubt, no worry, no limitations. Just care.

In the book, From Chaos to Coherence, Doc Childre and Bruce Cryer says, “Care is the glue that keeps relationships together once the novelty has worn off.” How great is that?

Your daily affirmation: “Today, I choose to be caring!”

Just for today, be caring!

Coach Carolyn

Your Dose of Vitamin C - Be Consistent

Today’s dose of Vitamin C is “Be Consistent.”

Being consistent means having stick-to-it-ness; not giving up before the miracle and staying the divine course. There is power in sticking with something – it gives you a feeling of accomplishment and determination. After accomplishing the task, you feel empowered to take on the next. This creates momentum and rhythm which is what we all need in life. Once we have momentum and rhythm, then nothing can stop us; and we can stop living our lives in fits and starts.

“We had some moments, but we didn't have enough consistent moments.” ~ Doug Bruno

Your daily affirmation: “Today, I choose to be consistent!”

Just for today, be consistent!

Coach Carolyn

Your Dose of Vitamin C - Be Confident

This week, get your daily dose of Vitamin C! Your first dose is “Be Confident.”

Being confident means not just knowing who you are but also knowing whose you are – you are a child of God. Someone once said, “It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.” You have more confident that you realize. Need proof? Well, you’re here, right? It took some level of confidence for you to withstand, persevere and come this far.

Your daily affirmation: “Today, I choose to be confident!”

Still need more confidence? Check out this video on YouTube. I think it's the best lesson in confidence.  

Just for today, be confident!

Coach Carolyn

Friday’s Purposeful Question

“Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“Who or what have you forgotten to appreciate recently?”

“A prudent question is one half of wisdom.” ~ Francis Bacon

Enjoy this video on boundless appreciation.

Have a fabulous weekend!
Coach Carolyn

Wisdom from Ms. Marianne

A bit of wisdom from spiritual author and teacher, Marianne Williamson. Enjoy!

Get it?
Coach Carolyn

Too Much Self-Help?

I read this article on a blog yesterday and it really spoke to me. As a workshop facilitator, I see some women (and men) come time and time and time again – sometimes to the same workshop. I frequently preach and teach about being consistent. It took you so many years of habitual behavior to get to the gremlin-laden places you are at now. So, why would you think only one or two workshops would reverse that? Enjoy and please share your thoughts on this.

Do you feel bad for taking too many self help workshops?

by Tama J. Kieves

Ron and I sat outside and had lunch together in Santa Fe. “Yeah, I’ve been into personal development for the past 30 years. I’ve taken every workshop you can imagine,” he said and smiled. Something in his smile seemed sheepish to me, bent, and hung low. I’ve seen the look before: shame, as though he was confessing leprosy, because he thrived on learning. It’s crazy to me, that in our culture there is a stigma about self-help, spiritual growth, or personal improvement-- as though you’re weak because you choose to explore, feel, and stumble into grace.

I looked at Ron and said to him what I’ll now say to you: I am so proud of you for continuing. I am so proud of you for searching. I am so proud of you for staying on your path no matter what. Something in you has always known you are magnificent and unlimited. Something in you has always known you are here with purpose, love, and magic in your pocket. Something in you refuses to settle for anything less than your soul’s genius. There’s a reason it feels good when you hear this. It’s because it’s true....

Read the rest of Tama's article.

Remember, we are not done until we are DONE!

Rock on with your bad self!

Coach Carolyn

Praise Goes A Long Way

This video really spoke to me because of the simplicity of it. When was the last time you praised your spouse for being a great spouse? Or your children for doing their chores or their homework?

When was the last time you sent appreciation someone's way? When my beloved died, so many people said so many wonderful things about him. He would have loved to have heard them as well, while he was alive. Don't wait to tell someone you appreciate them, because the next chance you get may be when they are unable to truly hear it.

I so appreciate all of you, dear readers!
Coach Carolyn